


What Do You Need?

by antiquated_sorceress



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Communication, Cunnilingus, Explicit Consent, Exploration, Healthy Relationships, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Big Bang, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 12:11:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9234488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiquated_sorceress/pseuds/antiquated_sorceress
Summary: Snippets of life with the trio after The Force Awakens. Being on the base helps them get support for psychological trauma at the hands of Kylo Ren, deal with inner turmoil, discover friendships, and experience sexual awakenings.





	

**Author's Note:**

> To prevent a large age gap, Poe is 23 and Rey and Finn are 21 in this. Due to my own comfort with writing sex scenes at the end and realizing this series is severely lacking in trans characters, I've written Poe and Finn so they are transgender and male-presenting and use he/him pronouns. Please let me know how I can enhance this depiction.
> 
> Also a giant thank you to my artist reylahs, whose art is beautiful and wonderful and captured a moment I loved to write!

There’s groaning--his own, which is harsh against a tube in his throat. He’s never seen this place. It doesn’t share the same interior design as Starkiller base, which he hopes is a good sign. He spends a minute giving himself an internal pep talk into raising his head to take in more of his surroundings, and finally sees a Resistance logo on the wall. There’s a piece of paper taped to the side of his bed. His eyes are too sleep weary to focus on the writing. He spends another minute willing his arm to move, at which point he bumps against a button that says, “Push for attention.” The tubes in him make him feel like he’s had too much attention, but he supposes he needs more to get them out. He doesn’t even want to imagine what that’ll feel like, but he presses the button because he knows he shouldn’t pretend to be in a coma, and a woman in a white coat comes in minutes later.

“I’m so glad to see you awake,” she says. She must see Finn struggling to discern how to talk with a tube in his throat, because she says, “You must be confused. You’re in the Resistance base medbay.” She speaks slowly, giving off the impression that she’s done this before and knows the confusion on his end. “You’ve been asleep for a few weeks while you heal. You’re here because you and your friend took on Kylo Ren and he gave you a back injury.” Rey. She was left alone with Ren! Finn shoots up in his bed and groans at the resulting pain. “Whoa, there. Your friend’s safe. She won.” Finn lies back down. Hell yeah she did. “She’s training with Luke Skywalker.” The doctor laughs at his big eyes. “I know. Very impressive. Your friend Poe wanted to be informed when you woke up. Is it okay if he visits you?” Finn nods. “I’ll let him know.” Finn points to his tube, a part of the multitude of tubes in his body that he definitely doesn’t want anywhere near him anymore. “We’ll need to take that out.”

He’s sporting pain and taking the time to revel in the sudden lack of tubes when Poe’s bright face and curls show up in his room. He knows the exact moment Poe shows up, because he’s been watching the window for half an hour and Poe almost knocks over a nurse in his haste, and then runs back to give an apology to her, during which his body is already turning back to Finn’s room.

“Finn!” Poe bursts into the room. “I’m sorry, I stopped by every day hoping I’d be here when you woke up.” Finn has a tinge of thankfulness that Poe wasn’t here to see him embarrassingly fresh out of a coma, but that’s quickly overridden by how excited Poe is to see him. Poe’s still in his flight suit and smells like engine oil. “I want to hug you but I don’t know if it’ll hurt you and--”, Poe looks down at himself, “--I’m covered in sweat and oil. Sorry, I sprinted over as soon as they told me.” Poe came straight here and sprinted just to see him? Even though Finn would still be here if Poe took his time? Finn’s back is scarred and he’s still sore from having a tube shoved up his urethra but he still already likes this place so much better than the Order because people here care for him. Even strangers. The doctor was nice to him without even knowing him or having to be.

His throat is sore and he doubts he would be able to use his voice well after weeks of misuse, but Poe Dameron would be welcome to hug him even if he were covered in sewage, so Finn opens his arms and revels in the touch as Poe rushes to hug him and has to keep himself from touching Poe’s damp curls. Poe’s voice is gentle and warm against his neck as he said, “I’m so glad you’re awake, buddy,” and Finn thinks he might pass out again because it isn’t possible to feel so overwhelmed with affection. Poe pulls back--why??--and sits on the chair at Finn’s bedside.

“Can I get you anything?” Finn shakes his head.

“I’d ask how you’re feeling, but…” He gestures to the hospital room. “Did you hear Rey’s becoming a Jedi with Luke Skywalker.” Finn nods quickly. “She wrote you a note before she left. It’s right here.” Poe hands the letter on the table to Finn.

“Finn, I’m stopping by your room before I go, but you’re still asleep and I wouldn’t have felt right not leaving something with you. You fought bravely against Kylo Ren, and you’re one of the kindest people I’ve met in my life. For that and so many other reasons I want to tell you in person, I’m so proud to have met you and have the privilege of calling you my friend. You’ve changed my life so much already. I hope that you’ll wake up well long before I get back. I’ll think of you every day, and I look forward to catching up with you when we meet again.”

There it was again--that feeling of warmth he recognized when he was around Rey and Poe. He holds the paper carefully, as if it were her hand because it’s the last thing she touched and the closest thing he has to her right now.

“How long?” Finn manages to say. He feels and sounds like he swallowed razor blades.

“About two weeks. They said your back was doing well, considering you fought Kylo Ren. Leia ordered they give you the best care, but the doctors already were grateful enough to give it.”

“Thanks for coming,” Finn rasps. Ow.

“Anytime.” Finn’s hand is warm now. He looks down and holy shit it’s Poe’s hand holding his holy shit hol-- “Thanks for saving everyone.” Finn would have thought Poe was trying to one-up him, except Poe was too damn genuine for that.

~*~

Finn likes going for walks around the base. The ship was more or less a prison--a maze of metal walls and no nature whatsoever. There, he had strict schedules. There, he was a soldier. Here, he realized he could walk wherever he wanted, whenever. The Resistance base was more a home to him than the ship ever was, but sometimes its metal walls were enough for him to feel claustrophobic all over again.

He had taken to walks at night. It started out as something he did just because he could, as a way to prove to himself that he could pursue what he wanted.

Having plants around him is an experience he’s trying to maximize as much as possible. He found the gardens while exploring one day and hasn’t been able to spend more than a day away from them. The air is so fresh compared to the recycled, sweaty, heady air of the ship. Sometimes he sits in front of the flowers and just smiles at them and breathes next to them. Sometimes he picks up flowers from the floor and puts them in his hair. The trees are full of fruit, so enough roll onto the ground that he can eat without worrying about disturbing the garden.

One of his favorite things about the plants on this planet is how they glow. The flowers of a particularly spiky tree glow blue at nighttime. A fluffy plant glows purple all over, but if he tries to touch it, it slowly curls in on itself and twists to protect itself. Some of the plants hum in the night. He isn’t sure if it’s bugs inside of them that do it, but every time he presses his ears to the leaves it seems like it comes from the leaves themselves. The planet is a great sign of not only how free he is but how much wonder his new home has to offer. Not place of residence, but home.

~*~

Master Luke comes back with Rey to the base. She is barely off the ship before a blur of Finn runs at her and picks her up.

“You’re awake!” she laughs.

“You’re shredded!” he exclaims, eyeing her significantly larger arms.

“This is Finn?” Luke asks with a crinkle in his eyes. “Rey sings praises about you, Finn. My name is Luke.” Finn goes ashen.

“Luke Sk--Luke Skywalker! Mr Skywalker, sir.” Finn sets Rey down on the ground and bows to him. “Wow, sir, it’s such an honor to meet you.”

“Please, Finn, it’s an honor you meet you.” Luke holds a hand out to Finn, who looks like he’s about to vibrate out of his shoes at the honor of Luke not only knowing his name but also letting him touch him. He smiles at Luke with their hands clasping each other. And keeps smiling at Luke’s aged and amused face.

“You’re holding his hand,” Rey whispers.

“Oh! I’m sorry, sir.”

“Luke is fine.” Finn nods, clears this throat and squares his shoulders.

“Luke.”

“Rey, you should catch up with your friends. I need to find Leia.”

“She’s in a meeting at the control room,” Finn tells him. Chewbacca says some words, which Finn still can’t understand, but he assumes it means Chewbacca will lead Luke to the room. They walk past a quickly forming crowd. Luke says polite and humble hellos as they walk through it toward the control room.

“He said he was honored to meet me,” Finn whispers as they leave. “Are you hungry? Of course you’re hungry. Let’s eat and find Poe. He wanted to know when you got back. I told him everything about you and he loves you already.”

Poe joins them at the mess hall, but he looks admiringly at them as they talk a mile a minute--Rey responding to Finn’s questions about her training and Luke, and Finn responding to Rey’s questions about how he feels and how his time has been on the base. Poe joyfully notes that Finn mentions Poe more than anyone else when recalling his time. The friends sit praising each other and touching each other’s hands and arms, so automatically that Poe thinks they don’t even realize they’re doing it. He doesn’t want to overwhelm Rey on her first day back at the base, and it looks like she and Finn have so much more to catch up on that he doesn’t need to intrude on. He clears his throat. They look at him.

“I have to get back to training, so I’ll let you two catch up. But Rey, it was really nice to see you again. Let me know if you need anything at all, okay?” Such kindness from a practical stranger was so different from anything she knew. Shocked, she forgot to reply to him for so long that he wondered if he said something that was considered offensive on Jakku.

“Thank you.”

~*~

Rey collapses in bed as soon as she finishes training the fourth day she is back. Her body aches all over. Everything has been too much recently. Even the dining commons is too loud, so she stays inside. She is reading a book when a slight tapping catches her attention. She looks up, hears nothing, and goes back to reading. It comes again, slightly louder, until she recognizes it as an overly gentle knock.

She opens the door to Poe’s gentle face. She’s seen it over the past few days, mostly in the mess hall with Finn.

“Hey,” he says lowly, careful not to disturb the peace. “Finn and I noticed you weren’t at the mess hall and I wanted to make sure you were eating.” He extends a bowl to her.

“Oh.” She looks at it. Poe shuffles after a moment, noticing she hasn’t taken it.

“Sorry, I thought Finn said you liked this dish.”

“Oh, I do. I didn’t know we could take things from the mess hall.”

“They didn’t stop me once they knew it was for you.”

“Thank you,” she says flatly. She isn’t used to having so much food readily available, and she certainly isn’t used to others willingly giving her food, or coming to her first thing after training. She got used to Luke giving her food when they trained together. But Poe barely knows her. Poe is still in his flysuit, standing in her doorway with an exhausted slump from the day.

“I can take this back if you don’t want it.”

“No, I’ll take it.” She doesn’t think her scavenging instincts would ever leave her; her hands are reaching out for the bowl before she means to.

She heard good things about Poe from Finn after she returned with Luke. She knows a lot about Poe. Finn has told her about how amazing Poe is as a pilot and just about everything he likes about him. It’s almost as if she knows him already, so it takes her a few moments to register that the reason the interaction feels odd is because she has barely interacted with Poe besides hugging him while celebrating and seeing him in the mess hall.

“Do you want alone time?”

“No, it’s alright.” Rey steps aside to let him come in. He sits on a chair as she starts slurping her food on the bed.

“Finn said you were having nightmares.”

“Isn’t everyone?”

“Not everyone has faced Ren.” Rey puts her spoon down.

“Could have been worse,” she says. She wasn’t like Finn, who spent a month in a coma, who would have had a gash across his body if it weren’t for the bacta tanks.

“You don’t have to pretend like you’re okay if you’re not. I’m not gonna make you talk, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.” Poe’s smile at her is tired, the bags under his eyes seeming especially dark. Poe has been relatively quiet about his encounter with Ren. All Rey knows is that Leia debriefed him to get information on her son.

“I get them too. He used the force on me, very...forcefully.” He huffs a flat laugh. Rey looks down at her noodles. “I’ll let you eat.” He smiles at her and moves to leave.

“It felt like he knew every inch of me,” she mutters. Poe sighs and sits back again.

“Like he knew every fear and amplified them?”

“Yeah.” The spoon clangs against the bowl. “I saw one of his.”

“Ren’s?”

“He was afraid he wouldn’t be as strong as Vader.” Poe looks at her with pride. She wasn’t sure what it was about people in the Resistance, but they all looked at her as if she was precious and it made her heart flutter. Maybe it was just Finn and Poe.

“Figures. Finn says you gave him hell.”

“I’m going to give him more next time I see him.”

“I want to hear all about it.”

“If I make it back.”

“You will.”

“Damn right I will.” Rey lies back and sighs. “That chair can’t be comfortable. Come over. You look like you’re about to fall off.” Poe slumps onto the bed like a sack of rocks. He groans into the sheets. Rey playfully groans back in response. Poe laughs.

“I didn’t realize how much I needed to lie down. Thank you.”

“We all need to rest, don’t we?”

“Definitely.” They lie together, Poe face down at a respectable distance away from her as she looks at the ceiling.

“Good book?” Poe muffles.

“It’s information about the Force. Master Luke recommended it.”

“Crazy stuff. A powerful, invisible thing only certain people can control.”

“Yeah. It’s been pretty strange.”

“That’s really great for you. Training with Luke. Leia trusted you a lot by having you go over there. She likes you a lot.”

“Strange.”

“To have people like you?”

“All of it.”

“How are you handling it?”

“You tell me.”

“As competently as I’d expect from someone who has Leia’s and Luke’s approval.” Compliments are strange for her too. Despite Finn’s praises about Poe, her back still tenses with the expectation that people who compliment her want something from her.

“I should go sleep.”

“Can you even get up?”

“If I pretend the fate of the galaxy depends on it.” Poe still lies unmoving. “Any second now.” If it were Finn, Rey would just tuck him into bed and continue reading. But this isn’t. Poe seems nice and she isn’t questioning Finn’s judgment, but going from talking to a person a few times to letting them sleep next to her isn’t a decision she takes lightly or is willing to make. It’s not that Poe seems dangerous, just that she hasn’t developed a close bond through surviving and protecting each other like she and Finn have. “Okay.” Poe takes a giant breath into her sheets and shoots up in one fluid movement. The movement startles her. Creases line his face and his hair flies up at odd angles. He looks at the wall with overly wide eyes indicative of his efforts to stay awake. “Thanks for letting me lie down. I’ll let you get back to reading.”

“Good luck not falling asleep in the hallway.”

“I’ll need it.”

~*~

Pears are his favorite, he decides one afternoon in the garden.

“Hey.” Finn swings around and aims the pear at the intruder. A second after his body’s reaction, Finn realizes it’s just Poe’s hushed voice. Poe’s in a dark t-shirt and grey sweats. Of course he still looks good like this. “Whoa! Sorry, Finn.” Pear juice drips down Finn’s chin.

“Those are good, aren't they? Have you tried the blue ones that look like cubes?” Finn shakes his head.

“I didn’t see them.”

“You need to sneak past the fence to get them.”

“Oh. Stormtroopers can’t--” Finn says reflexively. They’re not allowed to sneak, he wants to say. He guesses that doesn’t apply anymore.

“Stormtroopers can’t, huh? Last I checked, that’s the last descriptor I’d give you.”

“Last I checked, I was in full armor when we met.” Finn’s lips tug upward. Poe maneuvers over the fence, puts fruits in his pockets, and returns to Finn. The fruit is as delicious as he’d expect from something so bright, but his mind is still stuck on the consequences of what he’s done.

“That bad?” Poe laughs. He sits down cross-legged.

“Hmm?”

“You look like that fruit insulted your mother.”

“Oh.”

“What’s on your mind?” Finn shrugs. Poe pats the spot in front of him. “Sit.” Finn bites into the fruit again. It fizzes on his tongue.

“The Order. I still worry they’re gonna try to find me for escaping. And probably for committing treason of the highest degree. One of the stormtroopers called me a traitor. And that was before I got my ass beat by Kylo Ren.” Poe’s eyes are on him. Finn doesn’t know if it’s because he has Poe’s full attention or if he spoke too much.

“Well, to this side, you’re a hero.”

“Weird thought.” They sit in silence for a few minutes. Finn picks the light fruit seeds out of the remainder and finishes the fruit. The seeds shake, as if they’re eggs about to hatch. Small feathers emerge and the seeds float upwards, tickling his temples as they move away. Poe is the first to break the silence.

“I don’t want to be invasive, I just...Is there anything you need help with, since you got out of the Order? It just seems like it might be overwhelming when suddenly everything around you works so differently.”

Finn is so shocked by the strange exchange that he sits in silence, until Poe backtracks and apologizes so politely that it sends Finn reeling into another confused state.

“Oh. I’ve just never been asked what I needed before.” Poe’s eyes get big. “I just got told.”

“What do you mean?”

“I needed to be better at taking lives and being a good soldier instead of questioning why we were doing things. It was assumed that the only necessities for a Stormtrooper were sustenance, training, and conditioning.”

“What about happiness?” Finn scoffed.

“When you’re a stormtrooper, you’re a soldier first. Emotions compromise you. Anger and hatred are okay, because they fuel your work. We were told the best way to be happy is to save the galaxy by killing people who stand in the Order’s way. Obviously they told some lies on the way.”

“That doesn’t sound like happiness.”

“I’m starting to wonder how much of my emotions were lies. For all I know, maybe my definition of happiness is was completely wrong. I don’t even know how to find out what it is.”

“Do you like the garden?”

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Do you feel at peace in the garden?”

“I feel more at peace here than other places.”

“It sounds like the garden makes you happy.” Finn smiles.

“Yeah. I guess it might.” Finn twirls a flower in his hands. “It’s so weird being on this side.”

“How so?”

“Someone bumped into me the other day and spilled some juice on me. He offered to clean the shirt for me. He actually looked sorry. Just wow, you know. I didn’t even know him. And almost everyone’s like that. Not just people who need something from me. I keep getting reminded that people think of me as a person here and it’s just…” Out of the corner of his eyes, he notices Poe looking intently at him, and it excites him but it also scares him into thinking that maybe he’s messing up somehow. The other Stormtroopers hated when he talked too much. “Sorry. I got really off track. I guess to answer your question, I don’t know what I need. I haven’t really had opportunities to find out.”

“Well when you find out what else makes you happy and what you need, can you tell me?”

“Yeah.” They share silence.

“What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you need?”

“Oh.” More silence. “Can I be honest with you, Finn?” There it was again. People saying his name, like he was a person, made him fluttery. Especially when it was a certain couple of people.

“Yeah, anything,” Finn rushes. Poe takes a few moments.

“I’ve been a little...Things have been hard recently. I know we got a major win, and I’m thrilled...but Ren really did a number on me before you got me. I guess you don’t expect torture to be so...torturous.” Finn wishes he could have killed Ren right there, not only for taking Rey but also for doing this to Poe. “Do you think hugs are nice?”

“Yeah, of course I do.”

“Would it be too much if I asked you for a hug?” Finn hopes that hugging Poe immediately implies that no, asking for a hug is never too much. Poe relaxes into it, like he’s melting into Finn’s body. The sounds of the garden surround them. The crickets chirp and the frogs croak, and whereas Finn used to find it creepy, it seems like their sounds are assurance that things are as they should be. Finn doesn’t want to let go, but he’s not sure if it’s customary for people in the Resistance to hold on this long. He’s about to let go just to not risk being rude, but then Poe rests his head on Finn’s shoulder, holds on just a little tighter, and Finn feels Poe’s sigh on his neck and wonders if he’s fooling himself into thinking maybe Poe would prefer Finn to hold him longer. So Finn mirrors Poe by tightening his grip and resting his head on Poe’s shoulder, worrying he’s taking the cues wrong, but then Poe moves his hand up Finn’s back where he isn’t injured and that feels nice and then he keeps doing it and it feels nicex20. and Finn tries the same for Poe and Finn thinks it would be so relaxing he might have fallen asleep if his heart wasn’t hammering so hard it’s like he has two pulses oh Force he wants this to keep happening.

Poe, on the other hand, wonders if Finn notices that he’s warm and sweating nervously and that his heart is beating so hard he’s embarrassed to have Finn so close to feel it but he likes it a lot and Finn seems like he’s reciprocating?

“Don’t feel like you have to keep hugging me if it’s too much.”

“I didn’t exactly get lots of hugs in the Order, so it’s not like I’m being held at blaster here.”

“I just know it’s easy to feel pressured when the other person wants something, so let me know if that’s how it feels to you.”

“It won’t.”

“But if it does--”

“I’ll tell you.”

“It’s just important to me that you’re comfortable.”

“I’m more comfortable with you than most.”

“Okay.” Poe’s stomach flips. It makes sense that Finn would. Of everyone here, Poe is one of the only people that Finn talks to regularly and went through a near-death experience with. It doesn’t mean anything past friendship, and Poe’s perfectly fine with that. He just wants Finn to be happy.

“Do you need something else? I feel like I talked a lot.” Finn asks.

“Hmm. I think I’ll steer clear of talking about it for now. Don’t want to dwell, you know? Thanks for asking, though.” Poe shifts his head. His curls brush against Finn’s neck and Finn really hopes he can’t feel the goosebumps on his arms.

“Are you cold?” Finn says no, until he promptly realizes that it gives away that his goosebumps aren’t from the cold, so he takes it back. Poe rubs Finn’s arms to warm him up. “Oh. You already feel warm. Do you think you have a fever?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Poe pulls away.

“Sorry. I’m kind of a touchy person.”

“It’s fine. Me too.”

“Should we head inside?” No. Finn likes it out here. More specifically, he likes it out here with Poe. Going inside might ruin the moment. Is that what Poe wants? Is he being too forward?

“Do you want to head inside?”

“I like it out here but I don’t want you to be cold.”

“It was a passing breeze. I like it here.”

“Do you promise you’ll tell me if you get cold?”

“Definitely.”

“Okay.”

~*~

She’s observing the common area when a voice interrupts her: They’re like everyone else you met at Niima outpost. She looks around for the source, but not a single person is looking at her maliciously. They’re going to use you, it says. A few people smile at her. She can’t imagine she returns their kind expressions back. Again: your friends will leave the second they don’t need you. Someone she’s seen on the base before asks if she’s alright. Their voice isn’t the same as the one calling to her. She thanks the person and promptly leaves the room without giving a full answer.

Rey comes across Poe when exploring the outskirts of the base. He offers her a seat next to him against a large tree. The tree against her back aggravates her soreness from training. “Is there anything in the base that helps muscle aches?” Rey asks him.

“If there is, the best cure is still rest and massages.”

“Haven’t had those since I was a kid.”

“Do you want one?”

“Hmm?”

“A massage.”

“Poe, you can barely keep yourself up.”

“I’ll be fine after some rest. I’m just in the cockpit. You use more of your body in your training than I do.” It’s another strange thing. She quickly learned in the desert that kindness from people didn’t come without a price or ulterior motive. She grew up only touching others if fighting over territory or food. Most of her life up to this point made her taught her not to trust anyone, but here were Finn and Luke breaking down her walls. And if Finn said only good things about Poe…

“That was overstepping. I’m sorry.”

“No, I...a massage sounds nice?”

“Is that a yes?”

“I won’t complain if you do.”

“Rey,” he says exasperated, sitting up already. “Do you want me to do your back?”

“I will not objec--”

“Rey!” he says, laughing. “Here, if you sit in front of me, I can get your back.” Rey obliges. She doesn’t know if Poe is supposed to press that hard on her skin. She thought massages were supposed to be gentle.

“Are you...poking me?”

“I’m not poking you. Pressing on the muscles helps.” Rey pokes her bicep.

“Am I doing it right?” she jokes. “I’m still sore, Poe.”

“Give it a moment,” he plays along.

“Poe, I don’t mean to belittle you because maybe things are different around here, but where I came from, massages generally require more rubbing.”

“I’m getting to that.”

“Sure.” She doesn’t have to look behind her to know that Poe is shaking his head.

“No wonder you did so well on Jakku,” he mutters. “Sass the living daylight out of everyone who gave you a hard time.”

“People generally let me have my way if I gave them enough hell.”

“I bet.”

Giving people hell came quickly to her as a child; few people had enough pity to help a little girl who had little use for them. Learning to play both parts was crucial to her survival. Scavenging worked, but equally helpful was fighting off scammers who took advantage of gullible travellers. Fixing ships for less than the outposts’ hustlers bought her for food and a reputation--one that didn’t escape the scammers’ notice. And when crooks and thieves didn’t bow to her threats, they understood the language of fists and weapons.

Fighting carved out a home in her body when she was still a child. Maybe it can only be expected that Jakku didn’t leave her when she did. At least, she’s hoping.

~*~

Poe has been showing Rey tips on how to pilot these planes and sitting behind her. His disbelief and impressed comments about her test run are an unexpected and pleasant surprise. “You hadn't actually piloted anything before the Millennium Falcon?” He yells. “Just simulators? Rey, you're incredible.” Her face warms and finds she’s unable to even say thank you at the shock of people praising her so highly.

Finn watches her final test mission on the ground and comes running to her once her ship hits the ground. Like the time she arrived with Luke, she doesn’t have time to register the change in elevation as Finn lifts her up and spins her around. It’s one of her favorite habits of Finn’s.

“Rey, that was amazing!” He yells. Rey laughs delightedly.

It’s strange--to have people proud of her. To have people call her their friend. To meet so many new people and be known among the Resistance. She tries to give back what she can. Skills and bravery such as Finn’s shouldn’t go unnourished, and if she can give him some excitement while helping him develop more, it’s the least she can do.

Luke was initially reluctant to give more training to the Force. What tipped the scale was reminding Luke about Finn’s selflessness, refusal to be imbued with the Order’s conditioning, and heart so pure it was probably spun from gold. Finn almost fell out of his seat when Luke approached him and asked if he would be interested in being taught by Luke. Finn originally asked for Rey as a partner for lightsaber sparring, but that quickly fell through because they worried too much about hurting the other. Instead, she supports him as best she could by coming to every practice she could and practicing alongside him with other students, many of whom Leia and Poe suggested personally due to how much they trusted them with the skills. As far as they know, the class made it their personal mission to not let Luke regret taking up teaching again.

When Finn isn’t training, he keeps the habit of getting out of the buildings to see as much nature as possible. Finn tries to get some nature every day. Sometimes he just goes to the trees around the base. Sometimes he lies in the flowers until he gets itchy. Poe joins him a lot of the time to meet and ask each other how their days were. A few times he runs into Rey on the way and brings her with him. Sometimes a fluffy creature scampers to them and lets them pet it. It’s a welcome break for all of them.

~*~

Months after the initial battle with Kylo Ren, General Leia intends to bring Ren back to the base--not as her beloved son, but as the Order’s main weapon. The Order will need some time to recuperate and find a new leader to do their bidding.

Poe and Finn get separated during the mission. Eventually Poe finds himself shielding Finn from a ray with his body and braces for impact. The ray is like liquid electricity all over his body. As Poe stumbles to the floor, Finn cracks in the leg of the attendant and tips the ray to the floor. As he stomps on it to the screams of the attendant, Poe laughs to himself. “A couple of zaps and a migraine? Glad to see the Order is hiring the best of the best.”

Chewbacca and Luke and their soldiers have Ren captured and on the ship when they return. He is silent the entire flight. Guards completely surround him on the walk out when they reach the base. The tenseness of confrontation swims through the air and the trio quickly moves from their respective ships to join the quickly forming crowd on the base.

Ren’s body is stiff when he is brought before her. Everything is tense. General Organa stands with the regality of someone raised a princess who now fronts a rebellion.

Rey’s stomach has been turning at seeing him so close again, at seeing him so close to his mother after seeing the consequences of what happened last time he was so close to his father. Rey moves to grab Finn’s hand, and looks down to see he’s already holding hers and Poe’s.

All on the base are ready to step in, nervously awaiting for General Organa to give them the order before Ren inflicts destruction.

“General,” Ren spits. The words come out morphed from his cracked apparatus.

“You won’t even let your own mother look at you.” The crowd emits quiet gasps. Many knew the rumors, but didn’t think it was more than that. Ren undoes his helmet. Its clang echoes at her feet.

Leia’s facade cracks for a moment. Even from here Rey can see the slight stumble and rise of Leia’s shoulders as she takes a breath.

It occurs to Rey that the last time the General saw Ren’s face was 13 years ago when she had barely started to grow. Rey feels a stab of guilt that she is the source of the scar on her son’s face. Ren deserved that and more, but General Organa doesn’t deserve to see them on her son, doesn’t deserve him as a son.

“Ben.” Ren looks up sharply. The general and her son simply look at each other, taking each other’s appearances in. Leia shakes her head. “You’ve grown so much.”

“You’ve gotten old.” Leia looks at him blankly.

“Ben, call me by what I am.” It becomes apparent to the onlookers that her official title is not what she is referring to. Ren stares up at her with resentment. “Go ahead.” Her tone isn’t so much pleading as it is challenging, as if she dares him to confirm he is indeed the boy she raised.

“Mother.” Ren hisses.

“Ben.” Her refusal to use his chosen name causes irritation that she feels in her body as if it were her own. By asserting her motherhood, Leia simultaneously established a power dynamic and refused to validate the Dark Side’s presence on her base. “Your cooperation would be very much appreciated,” the General says. Ren spits at her feet. Leia takes in a breath Rey would have missed if she hadn’t heard Luke’s stories of her.

“Take him to the cells,” Leia tells her guards.

Rey’s exhaustion overcomes her. She reaches out to Finn to help stabilize herself. He puts his arm around her waist and accepts all her weight. She murmurs her tiredness. Finn drops Poe’s hand to carry her to her room, tucks her in, kisses her forehead, and shuts the door as she mutters a thanks through the haze of sleep caressing her. By the time she hears Poe’s voice in the hall, she’s already half asleep.

~*~

Poe welcomes her into his room when she knocks the next day after practice. The bags under his eyes say all she needs to know. She pulls him into a hug immediately.

“You’re getting nightmares too,” she states. “Talk to me.” He sighs into her shoulder and holds her tightly.

“Come on,” he mutters, and leads her sit on his bed. He holds her hand, but sits enough away that she doesn’t feel crowded.

“I used to be able to tell myself he can’t get me here, and I didn’t really believe it then. But now he’s here and I know what he can do. I know the General’s got the best guards on him, but he’s…”

“I know.”

“I felt him in my head. I was prepared to die for the Resistance, but he didn’t let that happen. I received training, Rey. But he just...dug around and took what he needed. Like it was nothing for him.”

“It was like he knew everything about you that you didn’t even know yourself.” Poe nods.

“I’m scared.”

“Me too.” Poe’s eyes, which were just on the floor and their hands, meet hers. She pulls him into a hug.

“We’ll beat his ass,” Rey tells him with her cheek smushed against his. “You didn’t see Finn and I take him on. If we could take him down that well with only a few of us, imagine how well we’d do it with the entire Resistance. He’d be in pieces.”

“He wouldn’t be Kylo Ren anymore. He’d be--” Poe trails off for a moment. “Kylo...shreds.” Rey snorts into his neck.

“That’s a horrible joke.”

“I’m distraught. I think I deserve a free pass.”

“Okay. Next one I’ll tear apart.”

“That’s reasonable.”

~*~

Although capturing an enemy was a reason to celebrate, it also brought the threat into their home. Their moods the past few days are noticeably dimmer.

The mess hall has a particularly good chicken dish and Finn, being his usual ray of light, points it out in order to steer conversation positively.

“My grandpa helped me hide a pet chicken for weeks,” Poe says.

“What? Did you steal a chicken?”

“I walked past a farm and saw the farmer mistreating them, so I snuck into the coup and let them out. One followed me home and wouldn’t leave me alone.” Rey laughs.

“What do you mean it wouldn’t leave you alone?”

“I mean I couldn’t shower without it popping through the curtain and staring at me.”

“How did you keep it secret for weeks?”

“Grandpa would distract my dad while I ran through the house trying to get the chicken in my room.”

“And they didn’t know?”

“Only when it started sneezing everywhere.”

“Poe, what--” Finn bursts out laughing.

“What did you name it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do!” Rey says.

“What was it?” Finn demands.

“That’s a revelation for another day,” Poe says matter-of-factly, and stuff his mouth so he can’t answer any more of their questions.

~*~

Rey and Finn leave most of their trainings half leaning on each other and limping back to their own rooms, and then meet back at one of their rooms to cuddle and massage to the best of their ability. It was sweet--trying to take care of each other no matter how exhausted they are.  
Other times they're so sore that after meetings are spent simply groaning face down into the blanket.

Most meetings end with them sleeping and waking up to each other's arm in their faces, or feet hanging off the bed. Sometimes they're lucky enough to have assembled mid-sleep into spooning. Rey watched him shave one day and asked if it hurt. He shrugged,

One time Poe finds himself knocking on Finn’s door--quietly, partly because it’s late, partly because his hands are going numb.

Finn opens the door sleepy-eyed.

“Poe. Hey, come in.”

Finn steps aside to let Poe in. He’s barely inside before he sees Rey lying on her side under the blanket.

“Oh, shit, sorry. I can come back later.” Poe bumps into the frame trying to leave. “Sorry.” Finn’s hand touches his arm lightly to keep him in place.

“No, it’s fine,” Rey mumbles from the bed. “Come in. We’ll make room.” She sits up and rubs the spot next to her.

“What’s bothering you?” Finn asks.

“Sleeping isn’t really working out,” he starts. “And then hours later when I get to sleep, my dreams usually involve some horrible scenario I don’t want to think about again, but a basic summary is the Order, Ren, and lots of death.” Poe pushes his hands into his eyes like he wants to press away the images. Rey thinks to the dreams she’s been having. Last night she looked the red lightsaber looked to be in her own hands as usual, except instead of Kylo’s face reflecting in a pool of blood, it was hers. Finn asked why she woke up sobbing. She just told him it was a new nightmare. She focuses back on Poe.

“Sleeping’s just kind of impossible sometimes,” Poe starts. “Sleeping alone makes me feel like I’ll wake up with him over me. I thought I saw him when I woke up today. It was just a tree moving in the wind, but my hands are still half numb and it definitely wasn’t the wind.”

“You woke up outside? Is that why you’re freezing?”

“Yeah. I’ve been wake up in a random place on the base, freezing, and I have no idea how I got there. I’ve never been a sleepwalker and it’s making me wonder if I’m ever going to get back to normal again.”

“War is...” Finn starts.

“A sack of shit?” Poe finishes.

“Yeah, something like that,” Finn says.

“Well you have two people who took on Kylo Ren, who are now trained by Luke Skywalker. I think we can protect you,” Rey says. They sandwich Poe between them in snuggles. He’s facing Finn. Rey is spooning him. “Let’s see you try to sleepwalk out of this one.” Poe laughs, and eventually he manages to fall asleep between them.

~*~

Since Ren’s capture, Chewbacca and Leia are noticeably absent from the mess hall. Rey and Finn try to spend time with Chewbacca as Ren’s presence brought back flashes of the death they witnessed. On days Chewbacca didn’t want to get up, they brought him food and books and holovids when they could reach them. Leia puts on a brave face, but isn’t any better when Rey asks to visit her.

Seeing Chewbacca and Leia unable to get out of bed reawakens an anger in Rey that swallows her fright. She’s walking toward the cell and requesting to talk to him before she can talk herself out of it.

The room is less of a prison than Rey thought it would be. Lying in a corner is a change of plain clothes, probably provided by Leia. They don’t look touched yet. A furnished bed, nothing binding him to the wall.

“I see they really scrimped on the chains. What are you going to do, take whatever you want?” Ren’s jaw tightened. “What, am I too scavenger scum for you to go near?” Nothing. “You don’t have a single regret, do you?” Rey yells, launching across the room. Ren barely flinches back. “Answer me,” Rey hisses.

Her anger radiates out of her. The Force envelops both of them, and she’s sure Ren feels the hatred in her. Rey hates the sense of satisfaction coursing through her body at that fact. Ren simply sits there, his hair hanging over his face, and the thought that it helps Ren hide from her produces a surge of anger in Rey that has her grabbing to tug the black hair.

Ren doesn’t fight back. It pisses Rey off even more, leading her to growl and tug harder, and Ren puts in no resistance at all, lets himself be pulled further back. “You’re doing this on purpose,” Rey grits out. “Trying to score pity points.” Rey yells and shoves Ren’s head against the wall. Strands snap. Rey’s hands shake.

Rey likes the gasp that falls from his mouth. She likes that she caught him off guard. She likes having Ren at her mercy. She likes causing him pain. She wants to make him suffer, to to torture her way up his body, to see his body lying at her feet after she--Realization seeps in a moment too late. She gasps and releases her grip. She’s out the door in seconds as nausea bubbles in her throat. She feels Ren’s eyes on her as she goes.

Her thoughts aren’t a product of Jakku like she thought they were--it’s Darkness.

She doesn’t tell Finn when they eat together. She doesn’t tell Poe when they fly together. She doesn’t tell them why for the first time in her life she doesn’t feel like eating for a day afterward.

~*~

Poe teaches her how to dance one day when she hears a commotion happening from a room nearby. That seemed to be a common problem here. Living in close proximity to others on a military base meant having to hear noise often. Being outdoors further away from it helped. Poe invited her and Finn the day earlier, but she was testing out if limiting contact with people prevented the strange urges to hurt people. Now, she peers into the room with a live band. A large group of people gather, drinking and swaying and moving their bodies in ways she’s seen at Niima but never been shown how.

Finn is at a table holding his hands high in triumph and laughing as people pat him on the back and look on to another person at their table, who is made to drink lots of cups.

After a few minutes her observing, Poe comes over to her with a cup in his hand. He asks if she changed her mind about coming, and she can do little else but shrug. It’s unclear even to her whether the noise is too much or if she wants more; she didn’t get much music in her makeshift home. She looks over at the way someone’s hips roll to the music. The movement is almost hypnotizing.

“How do they do that?” she asks Poe. He follows her gaze.

“Do you want me to show you?” Rey nods. Poe takes her hand and walks her to the dance floor.

“Here, let’s start off easy.” The music is loud, so he has to say it right next to her ear. “It helps if you just kind of feel the music and most your waist.” She tries to imitate him. “Great! Now just put one hip up and down.” He demonstrates and looks at her expectantly. Rey tries again. “Yeah, you got it. And then keep swaying while doing that.” Rey tries it, but she’s stiff and knows she isn’t doing it nearly as well as everyone else. “You’re doing great, I promise. Can I help guide you with my hands?” She nods. She doesn’t feel like speaking loudly enough for her spoken replies to be heard. Poe lightly places his hands on the sides of her hips. He coaxes one of her hips up, and then the other, continuously until he seems satisfied. “Awesome. Now try swaying to the side while you do it.” He nudges her into the proper movements. “You’re a natural,” he says into her ear. The air around them is hot and crowded, but his hot breath on her ear still sends a shiver through her. He takes his hands off of her, which her body registers as a mistake immediately. Rey has gotten more comfortable with Poe. Having Finn and Poe present during the mission was comforting. He paid attention. He gave space when he knew she needed it. He asked before he did. She presses close to him again.

“I think I want to stay,” she tells him.

“Yeah? I’m glad!”

“Can you teach me again?”

“You mean just dance?”

“The way they’re dancing.” Rey looks at a couple moving their hips against each other whose talkative arms made them look much more impressive than Rey was sure she.

“Oh. Yeah, of course. I don’t know if you want to get as close as they are.”

“Don’t tell me what I want, Dameron.” He laughs.

“No, never.”

“Like this?” Rey tests out having her hands on his shoulders. It seems to be working for the other people in the room.

“Exactly.” Being this close to his when not hugging him gives her mixed feelings. She almost looks away instinctively, not because Poe is intimidating, but because his handsome face this close to her makes her flush in a way she’s not sure she should. The people surrounding them seem to be okay with it and they blend in well. So she shoves down away the worry that they’ll be stared at and pulls him closer to her like the couple next to her. Unlike that couple, Poe politely turns his face into her shoulder, instead of pressing his mouth against hers. Rey wonders if it’s obvious that she’s trying to mimic their hip movements. No one seems to mind. “Already on the same level as the dancers,” Poe praises.

She learns the fun of being twirled and the awkwardness of trying to twirl someone taller than you. She shows Finn when he walks over slightly stumbling but extra excited to see her. Finn has the three of them intertwining hands and swirling them around. He claps to the beat and engages the people around them. Clearly he’s spent much longer here than Rey has, and Rey’s wondering if Finn taught the people here some moves as well. One man eyes Finn and dances toward him, almost threateningly, and they take turns showing movements. The crowd clears a space and cheer for the two, who continue taking turns, until the man laughs and holds his hands out for Finn to take. Perhaps the man deemed him worthy of a routine, one that includes Finn dropping him halfway to the floor--Rey frantically reaches out to catch the man Finn drops before realizing it’s part of the dance--and moving their legs to the music in ways so creative Rey didn’t realize they existed. Finn takes turns dancing with multiple people after that and showing his own version of their moves.

Finn thinks this is the most fun he’s had that didn’t involve surviving. He finds Rey to dance with and revels in the way she pulls him as close as he pulled in Poe earlier. Dancing is like one prolonged hug with more fun and music involved. He makes a note to come to every single one of these parties.

~*~

Flashes of cold, of children dying at the hands of her red blade. She screams herself awake as the door opens and she launches out of her bed. Her lightsaber, which she now keeps under her pillow, is immediately lit and aimed at the door.

“It’s Poe! It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s me. It’s Poe.”

“Poe?”

“Yeah. It’s okay. You had a nightmare.” The glow of her lightsaber illuminates Poe’s sincere face--Illuminates it like the faces of the children that--she turns off the lightsaber.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Rey sniffs and sits on her bed. “I can stay if you don’t want to be alone.”

“Yeah.” Poe sits next to her on her bed. She thinks she’s okay when her heart and breathing finally slow down, but suddenly her face is wet and Poe is pulling her into a hug. He sits there rubbing her back as she soaks his tank top. When she calms down into a few sniffles here and there, he asks, “Do you want to talk?” She shakes her head and wipes her face with her arm.

“What are you doing up?” she asks him.

“Sleepwalking again.”

“Did you have another nightmare too?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. I’m trying not to sleep so I won’t get them.”

“Is that working for you?”

“Not at all.”

They fall asleep on each other on top of the blankets. Rey wakes up with curls in her face. Finn hugs her upon seeing her later that day. “Poe told me. I’m sorry I didn’t hear. I used to sleep through emergency alarms in the barracks. But if it keeps happening I can sleep next to you if you don’t want to be alone. If you shake me I’ll probably get up.” She nods and pulls him back into another hug.

~*~

They’re not in the garden this time. It’s one of the forests a little farther from the base than usual.

“I like it,” Finn says one day with a handful of fluff. Another small animal snaps a twig, causing the fluff creature to jerk awake and skitter off of him.

“Good,” Poe replies.

“That’s one answer for you,” Finn says, referring to the first time they saw each other at the garden. “I like that thing,” Finn says while brushing mass amounts of fluff off his pants. He walks to a fluffy green tree that seems to vibrate today. “I like when these things glow. It looks kinda diff--” He reaches out to poke a leaf. Many things happen in the next moment. The tree emits a shrill scream as its fluff straightens and turns to spikes. Finn’s heart stops. He loses balance in his shock as he’s jerked back by his other hand. He falls. He lands on Poe. So does his mouth. On Poe’s. Their large eyes mirror each other’s for a split second. Poe is the first to tap Finn’s arm until he gets off. Finn helps Poe up by the arm.

“Let’s get out,” Poe says looking at the tree. Finn’s body is hyped up on adrenaline. Poe leads Finn in the run away from the tree. “I didn’t know they did that,” Poe says when they’re back at the base. “Sorry.” He can’t even look Finn in the eye.

“I think I want to go to my room.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to walk you there?”

“I think I know the way, thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

Finn takes deep breaths when he’s back at his room. Poe doesn’t like him like that. It’s okay. He can live. He’s lived through worse. At the end of the day, he just hopes that Poe is still okay with being his friend and that he hasn’t done something that’s a horrible offense on this side. Is it bad if he tripped and accidentally did it? Is Poe upset with him? It’d be so much easier if he knew how it worked here.

He hates feeling in the dark about this stuff. He wants to ask Rey, but he knows she has as little experience in this environment than he does, and he doesn’t want her to feel like it means he doesn’t like her either. He likes her a lot. Is he allowed to like both of them? Hot frustration rises in his throat. He just wants to talk to someone and know what’s right, but the two people he would talk to are involved. The last thought on his mind before he falls asleep is, “Everything happened so much.”

~*~

Poe smiles at him in the mess hall but upon seeing Finn’s face doesn’t eat lunch with him. Poe smiles at him and says hi every time he sees him, but there’s something muted and off about it. He doesn’t meet Poe in the garden for a few days, so it’s a surprise to see Poe sitting at one of their usual spot once again a few days after the incident.

“Hey,” Finn says.

“Hey, Finn.” It’s comforting to see that Poe is still using his name as much as possible. That’s good, right?

“I was hoping to catch you. I got you some of your favorites.” Poe pulls some of the blue cubes out of his pockets. Finn’s stomach feels warm as he accepts them.

“That’s really nice. Thanks, Poe.” Finn sits further than usual from Poe.

“Can I talk to you about something kind of serious?” Poe asks. Oh now his stomach feels weird and it’s the exact opposite of what he felt three seconds ago.

“Okay.”

“I screwed up the other night. And I know it can be hard to say when you’re uncomfortable. So I wanted to know if you’d be more comfortable if I kept my distance from you.” Finn shakes his head, confused.

“I don’t think you messed up, but I definitely did. So would you? Be more comfortable if I kept away, I mean.”

“No, Finn, I like having you around a lot,” Poe says. “I just don’t see how you think you messed up.”

“Okay,” Finn says. Does this mean Poe didn’t mind what happened? If Poe thought he made Finn uncomfortable, he wasn’t going to say it first. Finn’s heart has decided his body is a race track. Poe taps the tips of his shoes together in the silence. “You remember how you told me to tell you what I liked?” Poe nods. “I think I like back rubs,” Finn starts.

“Okay,” Poe says, unsure of the relevance, but supportive nonetheless. “I’ll give you more.”

“And I like people treating me like I’m a person.”

“I’ll do it even more.”

“I like when you use my name.”

“I’ll do that more too.” All of Poe’s responses have been as supportive as Finn’s used to him being. Come on, Finn, you’ve worked up to it enough.

“I…” Finn looks away, face flaming. “I think I’d like kissing you if I tried it again.” He can’t help but think the human body is a thing of wonder. He committed the highest treason a Stormtrooper can be charged with. He held his lightsaber against Kylo Ren and provoked him into a fight. And yet, as Poe’s eyes meet his, his body acts as if it remembers none of it. If the garden were on his side tonight, maybe the crickets would sing a little louder so his quick breaths wouldn’t be audible.

“Oh. Finn, I misunderstood completely.” Training has prepared him for keeping a calm face when faced with the horrors of the Order. Maybe it can apply to facing Poe as well. He just likes Finn as a friend. That’s okay. Just say it so he can get it over with and they can move on and-- “I--” Poe sighs and wipes his hand down his face and says, almost strangled, “I want to kiss you a lot. I really do.”

“What.”

“I just felt horrible that I basically threw you onto me and that couldn’t have been comfortable for you.”

“I tripped because the death tree freaked me out. I’m pretty sure you kept me from taking a spike to the hand.” Poe’s face is unreadable. “Is that it? You just felt guilty and that’s why you avoided me the past few days?”

“You looked scared of me. I was worried it looked like I forced myself onto you and I thought you needed space from me.”

“You couldn’t look me in the eye afterward so I thought you were trying not to reject me.”

“No! I wouldn’t reject you, Finn.”

“Okay,” Finn says. He toes the ground. “Can we kiss now?” he asks before he can stop himself.

“You’re--it sounds like you don’t have a lot of experience with this stuff.”

“I can learn to kiss,” Finn says, embarrassed of his lack of skill.

“No, that’s not--” Poe huffs a laugh and runs a hand through his hair. “I mean I don’t know if it’d be good of me to do that. I don’t want to take advantage of you. Liking someone can be a really vulnerable time and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything because you think you should.”

“You’re worried that I can be pressured? I ran away from the Order. I’m pretty sure that means I can think for myself.”

“No, I know. It’s just that...pressure can just work in subtle ways and lead people to want to impress others and do things too quickly and it can be overwhelming. And I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Okay. So don’t overwhelm me. Just kiss me.”

“I don’t know if it’s that simple.”

“I might not know how it works in the Resistance, Poe, but I’m pretty sure I know myself better than you do.”

“I know you do.” Poe sighs, leaning back to lie down. Finn joins him on his back with his palms resting on his abdomen. It sounds like they solved it, but things still feel oddly tense. Is he reading the situation wrong?

It takes one look at Finn’s tensed body for Poe to understand that Finn’s worrying has barely decreased. He opens his arm out to Finn. “Come here.” Finn swoops in under his arm. “I like you and I want to kiss you, but I don’t want to make you feel like you have to. So I’m giving the reigns to you. I’m not not gonna initiate anything that’s too much, but you can ask if you want a kiss and I’ll probably want it too. Is that a good compromise?”

“Okay.” Finn’s shaking a little.

“Would you mind if I kissed your forehead?” Poe asks.

“No, you know I wouldn’t.” Poe presses a quick peck to Finn’s forehead.

“I’m still gonna ask.” Finn can’t decide if he’s infuriated or grateful.

“Would you mind if I kissed yours?”

“Go ahead.” Finn kisses Poe’s forehead. They sit cuddling for a few minutes.

“Can I kiss your cheek?” Finn asks.

“Yep.” Kiss. A shorter pause.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please.” Poe leans close to Finn and nudges his nose with his own nose. Finn kisses Poe’s cupid’s bow by accident and bumps his forehead against Poe’s in embarrassment.

“Ugh. Sorry.” He’s thankful to feel Poe’s smile against his cheek.

“You can try again.” Finn presses his lips to the right spot this time. He can tell because Poe’s smile is against his own mouth now. He wants to open his eyes and check Poe’s expression, but they’re still scrunched closed for fear of seeing disappointment. “Did I do it right?”

“Perfect. Even got both lips and everything.”

“Can I do it again?”

“Yeah. Can I show you how I like it?” Finn nods. Poe leans forward slowly, eyes flicking upward to check Finn’s expression, and presses his lips to Finn’s again. Pecks him. Sucks his bottom lip lightly. Cups his jawline gently. Kisses his nose and presses his forehead against Finn’s again. Finn’s breath is warm against his face. “You still with me?”

“Yep.”

“Good.”

Finn decides that he’s iffy about kissing. Knowing that someone wants to kiss him, that’s great. Telling other people he wants to kiss them, that makes him as nervous as he was before battle. But kissing itself? It’s interesting, he supposes, but doesn’t really get why it’s so widespread. Feeling his lips on someone else’s wasn’t particularly pleasurable like he thought it’d be. He liked being close to Poe, and he liked that Poe wanted to be close to him. But he had yet to see what the fuss was about.

~*~

Regardless of how he felt about the act itself, there was something about having kissed someone and knowing that his affection was reciprocated that made him feel so much more confident. Sure, he still had nightmares and a sense of dread about Ren’s presence and the Order’s seemingly inevitable retrieval of him, but there was an added lift in his thinking of himself. He’s more okay when he sees people flirting with Poe and Rey. It’ll be okay even if others like them too. His shift in confidence especially comes out when Rey stops by before her regular flying time to bring him a small, potted version of a non-evil glowing plant. Her clothes still had remnants of dirt that indicated she had gone out and potted it herself.

“Poe said you liked the glow. I looked it up and these are thought to be good luck and that rubbing the leaves on your pillow can help induce sleep. I thought it might be helpful when you have trouble sleeping.” Finn accepts it from her and spins the pot to look at it from all angles..

“Rey, this is--” How does he respond to this? Does she understand how much it means to him that she thought of him like this?

“And if the glow isn’t bright enough, you can just smile in a mirror until your face lights up the room,” she jokes.

“I love these. I don’t even know…”

Something is similar about this. Rey’s looking at him gently. The way she looks at him puts a face to how he feels about her...This is how Finn and Poe’s kiss started out. Does she want--Rey leans in. Oh stars it’s happening okay calm down don’t miss this time just make sure you get her lips and--One second she’s touching his cheek and she’s a few inches away and the next second her eyelashes are touching his and her lips are half on his mouth. Why is half of her mouth on his cheek and not moving to correct it? When he missed Poe’s mouth he immediately tried to fix it. Unless....she was aiming for his cheek. Oh no. Oh no oh no. Finn immediately pulls back.

“I thought--” he stammers, “--you leaned in so I thought--”

“It’s fine,” she breathes. “It looked that way.” Finn’s fingers wring the the hem of his shirt. He wonders if the leaves also have an amazing ability to grow 100x their size so he can crawl in and hide, but leaving Rey seems wrong.

“Do you need anything,” he blurts out. He appreciates it when Poe asks him. It seems like the right thing to do.

“No, I’m fine. Do you need anything?” Rey asks. Just to know if I did something horrible and if I can make it up to you and if you still consider me a frien--

“Nope.” Rey removes his hands from his shirt and puts her fingers between his. He’ll be surprised if that ever stops his chest from feeling like it’s soaring.

“Finn, everything’s fine. Really. Poe’s waiting for me at the flight deck so I have to go.” Finn nods. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, definitely.”

Rey hugs him and turns to leave. He’s already rejoicing that he didn’t ruin everything--and then Rey returns and kisses his mouth so quickly before leaving that Finn looks at her running form in shock until she disappears down the corridor. Wow, those few minutes were a box of surprises. Is it possible to be exhausted from a high speed emotional ride? He has to go on a run to release all the extra energy the kiss imbued him with. Stars help him keep his ego down after this.

~*~

After flying, Poe walks with her back to her room.

“Thanks for letting me know where the tree was,” Rey says as they approach the door.

“Anytime. So, I actually wanted to talk to you about something I think will be helpful for you. Is that okay?”

“Sure.” Once she’s burrowed in her bed, he sits in the chair.

“I know you’re attracting attention from a lot of people and I just want you to be safe with them.”

“I have a lightsaber,” she counters, smiling as though she clearly doesn’t understand what Poe means. And maybe she doesn’t, considering he had to have this talk with Finn too.

Poe sighs. “Do you know the...rules and mechanics?” he asks.

“There’s rules?” Rey asks, suddenly horrified at how much she doesn’t know. Poe hides his concern behind a blank face and nod.

“Okay,” Poe sighs, looking at his clasped hands in front of him as he processes what to say. “I see how certain people are looking at you, and I know they’re being nice. Everything’s your choice, but as a friend, I don’t think many of them are good people to be romantic or sexual with. At least at first, maybe try someone like Finn. I just talked to him recently about this and he’s still taking it in, but when he knows what he’s doing, I know you two would take care of each other.” Rey smiles mischievously, unsure if she should tell Poe what happened earlier that day. “But I can see why some of the people you’re meeting are appealing and I know I’m not going to stop you. I just want you to be okay if you do it. Letting people in like that, it’s risky and means you have to stay safe and make sure to keep them safe too. You need to make sure you only people touch you if they pass some qualifications first.” She expects a list, and he delivers. “They need to care about your well-being. They need to make you feel comfortable. They need to respect you as a person and as a woman. They need to make you feel safe. They need to ask you before you doing anything, so they do only what you agree to, and you don’t feel pressured or unsafe saying no. You can tell them to stop at any point and they have to stop immediately and not make you feel bad about it. They need to ask if you’re okay. They should also be looking for cues that you’re not okay, even if you say you are. Sometimes people feel worried to say they want to stop but it’s visible that they’re not into it. The people you’re with need to stop if you’re not okay. And this is all what you need to do for them too. I’m not worried you won’t, but I’ll feel better if I say it in case things were different on Jakku. You need to make sure they’re okay, that they feel safe, that you don’t pressure them, that you ask before you do anything, that you stop if they don’t agree or look uncomfortable.”

Rey nods, overwhelmed with the information. It sounds like things she would do anyway, but it somehow feels better to formally be taught the information. She no longer feels like she’s completely missing out.

“And if they don’t follow these rules, beat their ass and then please come to me.” Rey nods. She’s sure Poe knows she wouldn’t hesitate if they disrespected her. “Okay, risks, barriers, and mechanics…” Poe tells her in depth of the ways to avoid and treat infections, diseases, pregnancy, how sex works with different bodies and different combinations of bodies, what to expect and do for her first time with people, and how to communicate what she likes and doesn’t like. She listens with a flaming face while looking away from Poe. “I know, this is a lot and I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but I wanted to give you an overview so you’re not caught off guard. I just want you to be safe and taken care of and I’m worried that they don’t know what they’re doing and can’t provide that.” He looks up at his hands to Rey. “Do you...have any questions? I can answer them.” He looks at his hands again to not make Rey feel stared down as she takes everything in.

“What, um... what are some things people like?”

“Uh,” Poe rubs the back of his neck. “Kissing everywhere, biting, rubbing. Some people like penetration, some people don’t, some people like grinding…” It’s clear that people don’t usually ask him specifics.

“Could you show me how to kiss?” Poe clearly wasn’t expecting her to ask. She thinks maybe he blushes, but maybe that’s just her heated face making her see things.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Her stomach drops. She pushed too far.

“Okay.” The disappointment must be clear, because Poe is quick to explain.

“No, it’s not that I wouldn’t want to. I just...this is so much information and I know you knew some of it but I don’t want to overwhelm you and take advantage. I don’t think I should be your first kiss.”

“You aren’t.” Poe’s eyebrow raises. When she explains, “Finn, today,” he smiles with genuine joy.

“Good. You two are good together.”

“I just haven’t done anything other than that. And you said it’s good to have someone who knows what they’re doing. You clearly do.”

“Uh,” Poe dips his head between his knees and laughs softly. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“I’m asking if you want to show me what you know.”

“Stars, Rey,” Poe smiles but shakes his head at her, which she takes as a no and tells herself to back off at this point because it’s obvious she’s supposed to. But the head shake must have been disbelief instead, because he walks over to her.

“Can I sit on here?” He asks. She nods and he takes it as a cue to sit on the bed across from her.

“Tell me if you don’t like something, okay? Tell me if you want to stop.”

“I know,” she says impatiently, looking expectantly at him.

“Okay,” he says. His gaze is soft as he reaches out to touch the side of her neck. Her hands are suddenly damp and she tries to wipe them on her covers. Since coming off Jakku, she is slowly growing accustomed to being dry, no longer under the battering heat of the sun. Being around Poe and Finn challenges that sometimes. Their smiles can be brighter than the sun.

“I’m gonna ask before everything, but just in case, is there anything you’re not okay with me doing? Besides the obvious?” She doesn’t know what ‘the obvious’ is.

“If you do anything wrong, you’ll know because I’ll kick you to through the wall.” He laughs.

“Attagirl.” It feels strange, for people to be so nice to her here. In her memories of Jakku, she can’t recall the last time anyone praised her for something. She scans Poe’s face. Her stomach is flipping pleasantly and she can’t tell if she wants to prolong the talking or to just get on with it already because Poe’s grip is gentle but sure and she just wants to see what he can teach her. His voice interrupts her thoughts. “Can I kiss you, Rey?” Poe asks. She has no patience for words and closes the gap between their faces. It starts as a prolonged press of their lips, and though she doesn’t know much, she’s seen some kisses at the outpost and she’s pretty sure there’s supposed to be more movement involved.

Poe pulls away, checks her face for warning signs, and leans in again. He kisses her in small pecks, the time between each getting smaller until they’re just pressing their lips together again. He takes her bottom lip between his lips, sucks on it gently. Her hands, clenched into nervous fists in the sheets, are shaking. Is she supposed to follow? She opens her mouth slightly, testing if that’s okay, tentatively sucking on his top lip.

“Good,” he murmurs against her mouth. It brings her an unexpected surge of pride. “You can follow my lead if you want.” She puts her mouth back to his barely after he finishes his sentence. His smile is apparent as she goes in with more assurance and mirrors his hand on her neck.

This isn’t like it was with Finn. That was quick, clumsier, more apprehensive, eager but unsure of what to do. Not that she minded, because it was Finn and she didn’t know what she was doing either. With Poe it’s clear he wants to ease her into it, but he’s severely underestimating what her lack of romantic contact has done to her patience.

“What else?” she asks. Poe rests his forehead on hers. Her lower half is warming.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” he says.

“But you’re okay with underwhelming me?” she presses.

“Ouch. That bad?”

“Could be better.” Her words might be believable if how much she liked Poe’s hands running down her sides wasn’t obvious in her voice.

“You baiting me, Rey?”

“Depends. Are you biting?”

“Is that something you’re into?”

“Maybe we should find out.”

“No biting yet,” he reasons. “That leaves marks and I don’t want to embarrass you.”

“What’s less than biting but still more than what you’re doing now?”

He breaks away from her mouth and kisses slowly down her jawline to her neck. She gasps as he sucks on a particularly sensitive spot near her shoulder. He quickly pulls away, already asking if that’s okay, but she’s having none of it and hissing, “Yes, fine,” and pulling him back by the hair to kiss the spot again. He chuckles into her neck, but she doesn’t see why it’s funny because he’s deliberately avoiding her newfound favorite spot and kissing much too lightly.

“Now’s not the time to test my patience, Dameron,” she mutters.

“I don’t know. I kind of like you when you’re bossy,” he says against her skin.

“It wouldn’t kill you to suck har--” she cuts herself off with a moan as Poe obliges and edges his way to the spot near her shoulder again. It’s suddenly more difficult to keep herself upright and she blushes infinitely more as she finds herself unable to contain throaty noises in response, but maybe that’s the right thing to do, because Poe is sucking hard right where she wanted him to and it’s so good and he’s stopping why is he stopping?

“You’re shaking,” he whispers, concerned.

“Yes,” she says, because obviously. “Are you going to keep going or are we gonna list more observations? Your breathing has increased,” she starts, playfully mocking Poe. “Your hands--”

“Alright, understood. Who needs an army when we could just send you in and sass the enemy,” he muses to himself. “Would you be more comfortable lying down?” She shuffles down the bed and lies down. “Do you mind if I--” She pulls him on top of her by the jacket, met with his laugh. “No, I guess you don’t.” She decides she likes the jacket. It makes it easier to pull him down to kiss her again.

It becomes increasingly clear how much she doesn’t know about...any of this, really. Is she supposed to talk? Her hands curl around the jacket, but they make him curl his back awkwardly as he goes lower onto her neck. Does she mind that her hands provide a barrier between her and Poe? Either way, he seems to interpret them as a reason to not lie too close to her. It’s pleasant to have someone be mindful of what she wants. Finn was the first to show her that kindness. Finn...

“Are you…” she begins. Poe makes a “hmm?” noise and pulls away. “Do you know about Finn?” Poe climbs off of her and lies next to her on the bed.

“Do I know what about Finn?”

“I like Finn,” she reminds Poe.

“I’m glad for you.”

“Do you like him?”

“He saved my life. I love the guy.”

“Would you kiss him?”

“Already have, but yeah, I’d love to do it again.”

“So…” Rey narrows her eyes at the ceiling. “Do you just kiss everyone?” Was it like an initiation? The image of Poe passionately dipping every new Resistance fighter is an amusing one.

“Only the people I like who like me,” Poe says.

“So, everyone.” Poe laughs hard as if he wasn’t expecting her to say it. A person would have to have no use of their senses to not notice everyone here likes Poe and that he treats everyone like he treated her. “I think you like Finn.”

“Of course.”

“You don’t mind that I’ve kissed Finn?”

“Not at all. He’s a great guy. He’ll take care of you.”

“So you like Finn. And I like Finn.”

“Yeah.”

“And Finn likes you. And he kissed me, so I think he likes me too.”

“I know he does.” Poe smiles, clearly enjoying the direction she’s going.

“So.” Rey has already has little regard for social rules, and simply doesn’t know most of them enough to care. But with her relationships with Finn and Poe in question, she would rather play it safe than be blunt.

“So.” Poe’s smile warms her. “It sounds like everyone involved likes each other.”

“It does.”

“Are you suggesting we do something about it?”

“Depends. Would you agree to it if I did suggest it?”

“I think you already have.” Poe noses toward her again in a silent invitation. She accepts it. Kissing is good, she decides. She wants to show Finn what she learned.

The strange thing--or at least, one of them--of not having had much positive social contact in her life, is that she is confused by every person who is kind to her for the sake of being kind. Jakku kindness was always based bartering and survival. There was always an understanding that she was expected to repay the favor and that she would be immediately betrayed if she became dead weight. It’s confusing to have Poe offer to let her fly, just because he saw her admiring the ships and knew she wanted to. It’s confusing to have Poe smile at her, proud of her, even though he met her just recently. It’s confusing to have Poe spin her around and pick her up, sending butterflies into her stomach at the handsome man touching her, right after she felt the same for Finn when he kissed her. It’s strange to be touched and to enjoy it, that touch no longer meant danger or medical necessity. It’s strange to want someone to touch her, much less multiple. It’s strange to feel that way about different people at the same time and for the feelings to be reciprocated. But it’s also good.

~*~

She wears Poe’s flight jacket to lunch the next day. Finn doesn’t know if this is good or bad the day after she kissed him.

“Are you cold?” he asks. She shakes her head.

“Now, no.” She smiles brightly at Finn. “How are you.”

“I’m good. It was nice having the plant in the room.” If he’s honest, he’s not sure if he slept better because of the tree’s supposedly helpful scent or if it’s because he was so happy Rey was thoughtful enough to give it to him.

“I’m sleeping over at Poe’s tonight,” she says.

“Oh. Did you not want to hang tonight then?” Finn asks.

“He and I wanted you to come with us. I was hoping there’d be some kissing involved.” Finn double takes from his plate and chokes on his food. The three of them? Rey reaches over the table to pat his back until his coughs stop.

“I think I misheard that,” he says weakly. “Could you repeat that?” He cups a hand around his ear with a countenance of supreme concentration. Rey puts a hand over his. Finn looks at it accusingly.

“Poe and I would like if you joined us today,” she says slowly, amused. “And wanted to know if you’d be interested in kissing us during.”

Finn gives a loud “hmm” and a nod that visibly takes a lot of effort to be nonchalant.

“Ah. See, I thought you said that. I just wanted to be sure.” He clears his throat and drinks water. Rey thinks she sees his forehead sweating. “Is it gonna be like...a holovid night? Pajamas and popcorn?”

Rey shrugs. “It could be.” Finn looks even more confused. “Poe taught me some kisses people like yesterday. I was wondering if I could practice on you.”

“Okay,” Finn says, voice shooting up too high. Rey wonders if she’s cruel for enjoying the poor man’s torment. They finish their food in silence. Rey is too busy laughing mentally at Finn’s internal struggle to think of anything else to say. How strange to talk about things when there is no end goal of survival. She likes that, too--how easily conversation comes with Finn. She likes just talking to him. She likes hearing about his day, what he saw, his training, his days with Poe.

“I think I left something in my room. Do you want to come with me to get it?” she asks.

“Mhmm.” His voice is still abnormally high. Rey threads her fingers with his on the walk there. His head turns to them out of the corner of her eye. They’ve done this before, so often that people stopped looking at it the first week Rey returned. It feels different now, knowing it’s not just friendship behind it.

Once there, he looks at her door like it’ll grow tentacles any second, but he follows her inside anyway.

“So what did you forget?” he asks in a botched attempt at nonchalance. She shakes her head.

“Nothing.” She finds herself looking at Finn’s lips.

“Is there something on my lip?”

“Just my mouth, if that’s okay.” He nods frantically.

“Sounds good,” he exhales, and leans in. Then pulls away. “Just to be clear, do you mean you want to ki--” She presses her mouth to his.

His hands tangle in her hair. She likes this too--finally able to take stock of the sensations when kissing Finn. He’s warm. His lips are full and enveloping. It’s different, and she likes them. He’s so careful with them, like he wants to keep from hurting her, or like he thinks she’s a dream that’ll fade away if he kisses her harder. He’s taken to applying a substance to them when he thinks she isn’t looking. Whatever it is, Poe must use it too. It’s made Finn’s lips softer now than they were the first time. Is the rest of him that soft too?

~*~

They have training and move to wash before reconvening at Poe’s place. Instantly, Finn is met at the door with a “Hey, buddy.” Poe’s smile is blinding. It does turn out to be popcorn and pajamas type of night. It’s even nicer than he imagined. Poe must sense they want to feel out the new development instead of going too fast, because at first the closest thing he does to initiate anything is keeping his palms up in an invitation. They end up sprawled all over the bed just watching the holovid, testing out the feeling of all being together knowing there’s romance behind it, occasionally leaning over to kiss the cheek of someone else.

Being close together doesn’t necessitate kissing. In fact, they’ve managed to make months of cuddling without it, but with the three of them knowing certain feelings exist, there’s an excited buzz in the air. Poe, situated in the middle, drapes his arms over both of them. He simply likes being close to them, and judging by the way Rey hugs his abdomen and Finn leans into him, they reciprocate the feeling. Slightly behind Finn, Poe leans his head on Finn’s shoulder. Poe doesn’t mention that he can feel Finn’s heart hammering with his pulse so close, because Poe would be in denial if his wasn’t doing the same. Finn turns his head to glance over at Poe, and doesn’t realize how close he is to his face when he turns.

“Hey, Finn,” Poe whispers gruffly.

“Hey, Poe,” Finn whispers back. Finn’s new to this, but he’s pretty sure that this is an obvious sign that Poe wants to be kissed. Finn leans in a little. Poe brushes his nose against Finn’s. Finn wishes Poe would just take the plunge and kiss him, but although Poe’s shaky breaths suggest Poe wants to as much as Finn does, Poe is pointedly not kissing him first. “Am I playing a game I don’t know?” Finn asks after a solid half minute of this. Poe laughs, gently and kind-hearted.

“No,” Poe whispers. “I just want you to kiss me only if you want t--”

“I want to.”

“Me too.” Finn can feel Poe’s smile from this close. Though they’ve already kissed, he hasn’t been able to get used to the sensation and is almost as nervous as the first time. Finn presses an kiss on Poe’s cheek. Poe responds with kissing Finn’s cheek. Finn kisses the corner of Poe’s mouth. Poe kisses the corner of Finn’s mouth. Finn pauses to blink at Poe’s mouth, hyper aware of the patient and fond look Poe gives him as he does it. Finn kisses Poe’s lips. Poe’s eyes close, and though that seems like a good thing, Poe doesn’t immediately go in for another kiss, and Finn is new to this and worried that somehow he misunderstood Poe’s declaration that he wants to be kissed. Poe’s deep and controlled but shaky breath fans over Finn’s face just before Poe’s lips land on Finn’s and stay on them. Despite Finn’s eagerness to make the kisses quick and sloppy, Poe keeps them slow and deep in a way that makes Finn’s core so fluttery he doesn’t realize he’s gripping the hem of Poe’s night shirt hard until Poe eases them off with thumb rubs. “You still with me?” Poe asks.

“Yep,” Finn squeaks.

“You tired?” Poe asks. “I wouldn’t want you to miss out on sleep again.”

“Kissing and sleeping can happen on the same day,” Finn rushes out. Finn always looks gentle, but especially when he’s sleepy. Predictably, he enjoys cuddling even more today.

“This is not what I imagined happening when Rey said you two were having a slumber party today,” Finn murmurs. From her position behind him, Rey rubs her hand on his abdomen in soothing gestures until he falls asleep.

~*~

Rey and Finn have never known what it is to learn without necessity. They've rarely had the time to slow down and enjoy meaningful relationships. Even then, there was an understanding that they couldn’t trust others.

They’re going slow, considering neither of them had much physical contact and have only just started exploring. Poe gently refuses to tell them too much about how creative people get, not wanting to overwhelm them. (That phrase becomes a joke among them. Once, Finn picks up a finger food and immediately excuses himself, putting it back. Upon Poe and Rey’s confused expressions, Finn explains, “Didn’t want to overwhelm it.” Rey barks a laugh. Poe shakes his head and huffs a soft laugh into his own food.)

“Finn?” she asks against his mouth one day in his room.

“Yeah?” His tone is quiet and tentative, like he doesn’t want to break the moment and expects her to tell him she changed her mind.

“Can I be on top of you?”

“Can I get lenience if I pass out from joy?”

“Is that a yes?”

“Please climb on me all you want,” he breathes. Rey continues kissing him, leading him toward the bed. He falls back. She takes her time straddling him. His shaking legs rock her, and maybe it would be unpleasant if it weren’t for the joy of knowing they were purely because of her. She likes being the person to make someone else shake. When she knows how to do this, she’ll make it her goal to make Finn shake more under her. His trembling hands go down her waist and dip down to the sides of her thighs. He probably realizes her waist ends before he thought it would.

“Sorry,” he rushes, hurriedly pulling them away from her. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I like that,” she says. She places his hands on her thighs again, sliding them up and down on her until he gets comfortable doing it without her guidance. Would it be unacceptable to slide his hands between her legs? She only ever experienced her own hands. For some reason, the thought of his hands there instead of hers is more appealing.

“I like it too, I like it a lot,” he says, voice shooting up to high five the atmosphere.

“Do you know what else you like yet?”

“I don’t even know if I’m still breathing.”

“Can I try figuring out what you like later with Poe?”

“I’m definitely not breathing anymore,” he mutters.

“Not soon, but sometime in the future?”

“Oh, there’s some air in me now.”

~*~

“Are there supposed to be lumps?” Rey asks. Poe convinced one of his friends in the kitchens to let the three of them bake brownies. It’s how his mom always helped him beat a bad day, he said. Baking a thousand brownies wouldn’t relieve Rey of the thoughts she was having. Earlier that day, she was sparring with a classmate when she heard it--’Break his arm.’ She almost dropped her lightsaber in shock. The resulting way she mindlessly floating through her day must have been noticeable if that’s how Poe pitched his cookie idea to them.

“Oh. When I was a kid I’d just take them out with my hands when mom wasn’t looking.”

Rey’s hands are still covered in brownie, unlike his. “My hair’s in my face,” she says. The temperature of the base allows her to leave her hair down without feeling that she’ll suffocate. Finn reaches into her pocket to get her hair ties and pulls her hair back into its three buns. He’s gotten good at doing her hair on the mornings they wake up together. She’s gotten good at helping him shave. His trust in her with a sharp blade still amazes her.

They take the brownies back to Finn’s room and spend the whole time bursting out laughing every few minutes at the stupid choices the villain makes in their holovid. He’s dressed in all black like Ren. Rey’s laughter dies down as she recalls her earlier thought and realizes a visit might be necessary soon. Meditation can only help so much.

~*~

She returns to Ren’s room the next day. Immediately there’s a sense that something is off. Ren is off. She feels it. Leia has been here recently.

Ren’s gaze already feels obtrusive and all-knowing on her, so she stands across from him in a silent refusal to be at a lower level than him. She and Ren are not equals.

“When you offered to teach me,” she speaks for the first time that day. “Was that only so you could kill me more easily? Let my guard down?”

“No.”

“Liar.” She hates it, but she knows they share a force bond and it confirms that Ren speaks the truth. Rey grits her teeth. There is a minute’s silence. “Are they your thoughts?” she finally asks. Ren’s face appears to show genuine confusion.

“What is?” A wave of heat rushes through her body and blinds her, and when she comes to, Ren is floating in the air pushed up against the wall.

“Don’t,” Rey grits, jaw shaking with hatred, “lie to me.” She won’t allow him convince her they’re made by her own mind.

“I can’t--”

“Stop!” Rey roars, and Ren launches against against another wall. “Just tell me the truth,” she yells.

“Rey--” Ren chokes out. Her mind floods with Ren’s confusion and desperation for air. It’s undeniable--there isn’t a lie in there. Rey doesn’t notice she’s crying until she tastes salt. She wipes it away. Ren falls to the ground with a grunt. Ren’s eyes are trained on her. His features are unreadable.

“They’re telling you to hurt people too,” he says. It’s not a question. He already feels her struggle. His inclusion of the word “too” sickens her--the confirmation she needs but hoped against. Her body refuses her commands to stop producing tears.

“You’re starting to like hurting, aren’t you?” he asks. She clenches her jaw. “The Dark Side calls to you. You want to know if that’s how it started.” She runs her sleeve against her face. “It is, Rey.” Her heart leaps. For a moment, she can convince herself that he says it only to convince her to come to his side. A flash of his memories run across her eyes--the progression of a happy child into the frightened beginnings of Kylo Ren. The truth in them shakes her. No, no, no, nononononono--

Rey walks away shaking. She doesn't need to see his honesty or humanity. It'd be so much easier when she can simply not see the horrible things he’s done, first hand from his emotions and memories. It’d be easier when she didn’t have a bond with him, didn’t have his past fear and confusion leaking like toxins into her already jarred thoughts.

By the time she gets to her room, she’s half completed a mental list of every difference between her and Ren--their upbringings, their choices, their mannerisms, anything to help persuade herself she won’t become him.

~*~

Pushing down thoughts is a skill she earned on Jakku--having your family abandon you will do that to you. So for a few days, she manages to convince herself that worrying is pointless. That’s before she walks by Leia’s quarters and hears an urge telling her to poison Leia’s tea. Recalling the list she made doesn’t assure her. Giving hell she was proud of. But not when it was people who didn’t deserve it, and especially not when she struggled to contain it.

Rey finds Poe and Finn in the garden the next day and slips into Poe’s lap.

“I’m having bad thoughts,” Rey admits. Poe breathes a sigh of relief.

“Does it help if I say I am too?” Poe asks.

“You first.” Poe sighs and burrows her head into his shoulder. As his silence stretches, he feels Finn rubbing his shoulders behind him.

“You know those dreams I have about the Order ending things horribly for everyone?” Finn gives an mmhmm. “Sometimes I’m the reason it happens. It’s me...on their side. Holding a blaster aimed at the people I love. And logically I know it’s wampa shit and won’t happen, but having my mind constantly making those images isn’t exactly good for how I think of myself.” Rey pets his curls. Is it happening to all of them? A hopeful voice wonders if that means these thoughts are normal.

“You too?” she asks. Surprise and relief coming to him, Poe leans back to look at her.

“Are your thoughts similar?” She can’t say the root of the problem aloud yet, so she starts working up to it.

“Ren seems so pathetic without his robes and apparatus. There are times when I can’t help but see him as just a person. A horrible one, but there’s something in him. He’s oddly fragile. He’s...” Rey puts her head in her hands. The next few minutes are silent save for the whisper of Poe’s hand rubbing her back.

“He’s in my head.”

“I know. Mine too.”

“No, he’s in my head. I think I Force bonded him when I pushed back, when he…” Poe understands when she trails off. “I dream of him. They’re his memories.”

“How do you know?” Finn asks.

“Master Luke is in some of them. I see the other Jedi sometimes. Sometimes during the massacre. I hear Snoke’s voice in his head during it. Ren hesitated. He did it because Snoke told him it was the only way to live up to his father’s legacy.”

“He hesitated, but he still did it,” Finn offers.

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I know. He gets nightmares of it sometimes. I know because he looks sleepless the next day. Some days I feel his remorse. Not sympathy, but I feel it as if I did it myself.” Poe listens silently. His face says he expects Rey to say more, as if he knows she’s holding back. “He’s not as black or white as I believed. Ren spared my life. I try to tell myself that it’s because he wants me to come to him of my own will, but I get these...flashes of him. Of what he feels. He feels the call of the Light Side. Even Kylo Ren, slaughterer of innocents, feels the Light Side. And I can’t hate him completely because I know there’s some good in there.” Her disgust at herself must show on her face. I used to be scared of him, but now I think I’m just scared that he’s honest with me. He talks to me like he knows what I’m going through. And he does.”

She burrows her face into Poe’s neck. “He knows the Dark Side calls to me,” she muffles against his shirt. “I’m getting these...impulses. They’re always to hurt others. Sometimes it’s for people who deserve it, but other times it’s just someone who made a mistake and I’m upset. And I don’t think I’m that upset, but my thoughts seem like I am. I can’t tell if it’s trying to convince me I am. Ren showed me his memories. It’s the same way the Dark Side called to him. I tried to tell myself it was fine, but I can’t deny it anymore.”

Finn draws circles on the back of her hands. “Okay, Rey,” he starts softly, “even if we entertain the possibility that they’re your thoughts. I’m starting to realize that this Light Side/Dark Side thing is as a big a pile of steaming shit as what they fed us when I was a stormtrooper. I don’t care if it’s what everyone knows. 70 years ago everyone knew lightsabers and the Milennium Falcon were the best of the best in technology. Nowadays the Falcon is a pile of junk and lightsabers are outdated. Who’s to say that the Light Side and Dark Side aren’t outdated concepts? And that whole Jedi thing about not feeling anything and not being attached to anything? No wonder people want to go to the Dark Side. It’s not possible for most people to not feel anything. You’re not like most people, Rey, but expecting you to feel nothing is absurd.”

Finn continues, “Basing an entire philosophy and on the fact that a person can only be fully good or fully bad doesn’t make any sense. And neither does equating darkness to evil, by the way. My beautiful skin doesn’t share anything with this ‘Dark’ Side. When I was in the barracks, I saw how people interacted. They weren’t told how to talk to people. They weren’t showed that they feel. They lashed out. When people were angry they’d break each other’s legs because they didn’t know how to talk. That’s bad, right? Ren told us we were better than the villagers and that we were cleansing the galaxy. That’s bad, right? I believed this for most of my life. That’s bad. But I started thinking. And I realized I wasn’t any different from the villagers and there was no reason for me to kill them. That’s good, I think.” He looks at Rey. “Ren, he killed teenagers. Good or bad?”

“Bad, obviously,” Rey says.

“Just work with me for a minute. Ren feels remorse for killing them. Good or bad?”

“Good, I guess.”

“Ren has loyalty to Snoke. Good or bad?”

“Bad?”

“Isn’t loyalty good, though? Don’t we value loyalty in the Resistance too?” Relief is starting to trickle into Rey. You feel hatred for Ren. Hatred is supposed to be bad. But you hate him for what he did to innocent people, which means you value lives. Valuing innocent lives is good, right? Does hating a murderer make you a good person? Wanting to murder is bad, but does wanting a murderer to die make you a good person? The way I see it, choices are just as important as motivation and remorse.”

“So the fact that he was raised by Snoke and did a lot of it under his orders doesn’t count,” Rey finishes for him.

“I was raised my entire life to be loveless, thoughtless killing machine. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I’m fairly certain I bypassed that completely. Ren was also raised with Leia’s love, with Han and Chewbacca’s love. He killed children, his dad, entire planets. Genocide! He might feel bad and maybe he did it under orders, but he still did it because he wanted to be Snoke’s prodigy. There wasn’t even a greater good disguise. He did it for selfish reasons to be accepted by a big evil guy and he didn’t care about how it turned out for others. Who’s to say he’s not just keeping you alive to feel important and like he’s worthy of something? Or hoping you’ll think he’s on our side and come to him yourself? It seems a lot easier to train someone who actually wants to train.” Rey nods.

“Yeah, that all makes sense.” He smiles at her assuringly. “Now, Poe, back to you.”

~*~

Finn thinks back to his original appraisal of kissing. The kissing he and Poe did the first time probably just wasn’t the right type of kissing. It didn’t give him tingles. It wasn’t the right mood. He knows this because that time was calmer. It wasn’t like now, seeing Poe fresh out of the refresher in a light t-shirt and sweatpants, and standing up to a guy whose skepticism about Finn’s conversion to the Resistance had no backing. It wasn’t like now, when he can see Poe’s back muscles rippling and his hands clenching as he settles for gripping the table instead of wringing the man’s neck. It wasn’t like now, when he can see a hint of Poe’s triumphant smirk and the control behind his voice. As soon as the confrontation is over, Finn leads Poe by the hand to his room. No one is in the hallway to see that he’s on Poe before the door closes.

“I definitely like that,” Finn tells Poe breathlessly after a kiss. “I like seeing you out of your flightsuit. I like seeing you in control. I like your muscles and I want them holding me.” He likes that Poe complies and holds him against the wall with his arms supporting Finn’s legs around his waist.

“This good?”

“Yep,” Finn breathes. “I also like when you kiss me.” Poe’s mouth finds his and Finn learns that kissing has an incredible amount of potential he hasn’t understood until now. “I think I like when kissing is faster.” Poe kisses him, but this time it has a deliberate languidity.

“You sure?” Poe whispers against him. Poe looks up at him with half lidded eyes and a smirk he doesn’t see on Poe often, but up close, that’s, wow, that’s...Finn pushes the back of Poe’s head to press Poe’s mouth against his, trying to make it faster because he needs more, but Poe kisses him slow and deep until he’s feels it below his waist and he’s shaking and grabbing onto Poe’s muscled arms because he needs something to do with his hands. He knows Poe can feel his shaking and that he wants it faster, because Poe gives a low laugh as he kisses Finn’s jawline and under his ear, and Finn thinks he likes this too; he likes when Poe doesn’t give him exactly what he wants so he can realize how badly he wants it. He likes the way Poe’s jawline kisses makes his head tip back against the wall to show his neck without Finn even realizing, and with others he’d perceive it as surrender, but with Poe it doesn’t feel like one because he knows he’s safe here.

“Um, I think I’ll like it if you’ll kiss my neck.” Finn doesn’t know if Poe’s going to comply or not, and he likes that too, the uncertainty and waiting, until Poe licks up his neck and sucks lightly and Finn’s eyes flutter closed at the sensation because he likes that best of all. “Mm, mmhmm, I was right. You’re great. You’re--Oh, stars.” He gasps when Poe finds a spot that feels even better. He likes the way Poe sucks harder when Finn makes breathy noises and holds tightly onto the back of Poe’s shirt because he thinks if he’s not grounded in something he might go careening into the ceiling from the electricity running through his veins. Finn didn’t know it was possible for his body to react so much without an imminent threat. He likes that Poe can do that to him. He’s still breathing hard when the warmth on his neck is gone and Poe kisses his lips gently and presses his forehead against Finn’s.

“How are you doing?” Poe asks. Finn pecks him in response. It takes him a while to formulate his words, but Poe waits until he does.

“That pudding they serve in the mess hall?”

“Yeah?” Poe responds. His voice is tinged with concern.

“I am the pudding.”

“Meaning…?

“Legs don’t work. I think I need to lie down.” Poe carries Finn to the bed.

“Do you want space?”

“No. I like being with you. I just I need a moment. Can we calm down a little?” Finn snuggles up to Poe. He likes the way Poe rewards Finn’s vulnerability and never makes him scared of showing it. They cuddle and talk until it’s time to sleep, during which Finn pecks Poe’s shoulder, Poe pecks Finn’s shoulder, and a few minutes later it’s become a game of them competing to see who can kiss more parts of the others’ face. Eventually they’re tired enough to just cuddle, with each of them stroking the other’s arms or backs.

”Poe?” Poe’s arm stops.

“Too much?”

“No, it’s great. I just...I think I have a clear idea of happiness now.” Poe’s body relaxes. He kisses Finn’s forehead.

“Me too, Finn.”

Happiness is being with people who loved him. The Resistance has come to expect the three of them to be intertwined during lunch--a leg around another, a foot tapping another, fingers fluttering against other fingers rhythmically. This is war, but they have this to give them hope.

~*~

Rey shoots up in bed. Finn’s hands fall from her waist.

“He’s out,” she says, before she’s out the door in her bare feet.

“He? Who’s he?” Finn and Poe run behind her, both equally dishevelled and in unfit clothes to be in the cold hallways.

“Ren escaped. He got past the guards and took a ship.” Poe and Finn share a look.

“How do you know?” Poe asks. He knows Rey is right. This was inevitable at some point, and Leia knew the risks, but hoped that he would be able to provide information. He isn’t ready to deal with this. No one is. The base had enjoyed some relative peace in the past few months.

“I see what he sees,” Rey says. “I see the controls and I see where he’s going.”

“I’ll get Leia,” Poe says, and runs the direction of her room.

Master Luke is already awake when she runs to his room. He felt a disturbance and her news clarifies exactly what it was. He makes plans immediately and tells her to get ready. By the time she’s dressed and has a survival pack and lightsaber, Master Luke and Chewie have already readied a ship on the flight deck and are waiting for her.

“Is he going to the Order?” Master Luke asks her.

“I don’t know. I’m only getting flashes of what he knows. I know the place, not what’s there. He’s trying to keep me out, but I think his emotions are impairing his ability. ”

Finn comes running at the ship, dressed, a survival pack on his shoulder, and his lightsaber in tow.

“I’m coming with you. Poe’s on his way.”

“He needs to be here in the next few minutes,” Master Luke says. “We need to get there before Ben finds what he’s looking for.”

Closer to the planet they’re approaching, after they’ve discussed mission options, Rey lets Chewbacca take over piloting and sits with Finn and Poe. Finn’s on Poe’s lap, having been talking with him and embracing him for much of the flight. There’s an unspoken understanding in the ship that open affection won’t be frowned upon. Finn unmounts Poe and opens his arms to make room for Rey.

“You two are very important to me,” Rey says.

“Thank you for showing me what trust is,” Finn replies. Rey kisses him.

“I feel very strongly about you two,” Poe says. “I’m worried for you two and I’ll do my best to protect you the best I can.” Rey brings Poe into the hug with her arm. Poe rests his head on her arm.

“Rey,” Master Luke interrupts softly. “It’s time to get communicators on. They only have a channel to go back to the Resistance control room, so we can’t hear each other, but it’ll let them know what’s going on and if to send backup.”

~*~

Confirming their fears, the Order is on the planet. It has become less of a mission to bring back Ren and more a mission to thwart the Order’s plans. They set their ship down where it can’t be seen or detected. Ren’s trail has gone cold, so they can only assume that he’s inside the Order’s building.

They decide splitting up will minimize the chance of all of them getting caught. Master Luke and Chewbacca go separate ways. Rey, Finn, and Poe go another. This turns out well when Rey and Finn are captured and held back by guards. Rey has heard of Force suppression collars before. It’s heavier on her neck than she thought they’d be, although she might be hyper conscious of its weight because of the panic buzzing in her system.

Ren, surprisingly, is nowhere to be seen, which is a good thing because it means he can’t stop Poe when he reveals himself and aims his blaster at Hux. “Yeah, that’s right!” Finn yells. “Shoot the bastard, Poe!” Hux steps closer to Poe.

“We both know I’m not who you should be aiming at,” Hux says.

“Any minute now, Poe!” Poe lowers his blaster. “Poe!”

Hux smirks. “You were right when you said we had the best of the best.” The words echo in Finn’s head from his last encounter with Hux. Finn’s stomach sinks. The machine that zapped Poe. It wasn’t as useless as they thought.

Hux puts his hand on Poe’s shoulder, and Poe lifts it again--at Rey. His eyes are expressionless.

“Poe?” she gasps. The Force suppression collar feels even tighter on her neck than before.

“No!” Finn yells. The Order was not taking away one of the best people in his life. A warm, prickly feeling surges through Finn. Poe’s blaster flies out of his hand and smacks the guard closest to Finn. The room is in enough shock that Rey and Finn have an opening to do hand to hand combat. Hux stretches out his own blaster toward Finn, which immediately flies out of his hand and batters his head enough to shock him for a moment. It fires a blast at one of Hux’s legs and a hand. Hux crawls out of the room and shouts at the guards to do something. The hilts of Rey and Finn’s lightsabers fly from the hands of guards across the room and into Finn’s hand.

“Poe, d--hey!” Poe throws a punch that barely misses Finn.

“Get ready,” Ren’s voice shouts to her. She looks around frantically. He isn’t here. The next moment completely is a blur. The large window in the room shatters. Billowing wind from outside pulls the guards, Rey, and Finn out of the base and off the cliff the base is based on. Finn sees Poe grabbing onto the now-empty windowsill across from him before Finn and the others fly out. The guards plummet to the ground below them. Rey and Finn prepare for impact...It never comes. They hover a few feet above the ground--and drop next to the bodies of the guards.

Ren stands before them. Finn sees Ren’s arm outstretched for a moment before he collapses to the ground himself. Whatever he went through, it required enough harnessing of the Force to sap his energy dry.

Behind them, the Order’s base roars and flies away. The cliff rumbles as a response. Its snow rumbles and starts to fall--only a few seconds away from them.

“No, no, no, no--” Finn says as he starts to run. It falls faster than any person would ever be able to outrun. Rey tackles Finn onto the ground next to Ren’s body.

“What are--”

“Use the Force!” she screams on top of him.

“I can’t--”

“Do it!” It’s barely a meter away. Finn presses Rey closer to him in a hug with one arm out as if he can catch a cliff’s worth of snow. It’s right next to them. He squeezes his eyes shut and curls into Rey. The roaring continues. And continues. And fades into the distance until his yells are the only sound near them.

He notices several things in the next few moments: instead of his lungs being filled with snow, air seems to be circulating through them rather un-dead-like. Instead of the crushing, cold weight of tons of snow on top of him, he instead feels the cold underneath him and a warm weight on his belly. “I’mdead’imdeadi’mdead,” he mutters. He can’t feel his legs and his stomach feels like it’s still freefalling and he might vomit any second. This is a shit afterlife compared to the glory he had been raised on.

“Finn!” But Rey’s voice is here, which means she was also--warm lips cover his. Oh. This afterlife is closer to what he expected. Finn pops one eye open. Rey’s smiling face is above him. “Look above you!” she says excitedly.

Finn was still on the ground, yet his vision was almost swimming. Rey’s face and the snow on top and underneath him kept rolling everywhere. He felt as though he was spinning, although he felt the ground underneath him very stable. From what he could make out, it looked as if they were inside a small glass casing that the snow went over completely. The snow was packed a foot above the three of them.

“You did that!” Rey says. “Finn, you’re strong in the Force! It just didn’t come out so strongly until Poe--” She gasps and grabs his collar.

“Poe!” they scream together. Rey rolls off of Finn, who takes out his lightsaber and begins cutting an opening in the snow above them. Rey follows his lead with her own lightsaber. He had barely been able to register the past few minutes at all. It had all come so quickly---diving off a cliff and dodging a mountain of snow was enough to kick in adrenaline to focus him completely on what was in front of him--so much so that in fighting for his life he had for a few moments shockingly forgotten that Poe was now brainwashed. “We fell out the window. Did Poe also get thrown--”

“He wasn’t among those who fell,” Ren mutters from his spot next to them. “I believe I saw him taken into the ship before it took off.”

“Poe’s still with the Order?”

“I believe so,” Ren confirms.

“Do you think they--” Rey starts.

“They wouldn’t kill him. He’s better use to them alive.” Ren, upon seeing Finn and Rey’s concerned expressions, rolls his eyes. “They won’t torture him. He already complied enough to try to kill you. They can get what they need by asking.”

“They probably already know Resistance plans.”

“Do you think the Resistance knows something’s wrong?”

“Chewbacca and Luke are still on the ship.”

“The ship is above the cliff,” Rey thinks out loud.

“Is your head still spinning?” Finn asks. Rey nods.

“It feels like I don’t even have legs,” she says. Finn squares his jaw.

“We need time to rest and heat up. Do you see any caves nearby?”

They manage to find a cave after an hour’s walk, having picked up leaves and twigs on the way. Finn and Rey melt all the snow within seeing distance and evaporate it with their lightsabers, and then manage to start a fire with their measly pickings. They sit wrapped in each other.

“I thought his sleepwalking was a trauma response.”

“Why didn’t Poe do anything while he was with us?”

““They were working on a prototype to brainwash Rebels,” Ren says. “The last I heard, it was malfunctioning. The best results they recorded were subjects responding only after trigger words, but even then there were problems maintaining a hypnotized state for long enough to gain information.” Finn grinds his jaw.

“The Order can suck my ass. I’m gonna shove the Force up its ass, and then I’m gonna save my cute boyfriend. And If I die trying, I’m gonna Force haunt Hux’s ass so hard.”

A Resistance ship finds them the next day, giving him the opportunity to Force haunt Hux ass as mush as he’d like.

“Chewbacca dropped his communicator into a vent on the ship,” Leia explains. We got enough warning that the resistance was coming and evacuated everyone in time in case the Order attacked immediately.”

~*~

Leia, as much as she openly hated the idea, agreed to stay on the ship to ensure the Order didn’t take command of their one way off the planet. Ren sits among them with Rey’s handcuffs and Force suppression collar on him. Finn and Rey are gearing to leave as he speaks up.

“Take these off of me,” Ren says.

“You’re joking,” Finn says.

“Do you want to see your traitor again?”

“Traitor?” Finn repeats, bewildered. “Strong word for a genocidal maniac.”

“I know the Order and Snoke better than anyone here. And I don’t suppose you have extensive training in the Force? You know I’m the best person to put on the ground.” Leia stares back at him. “The collar and handcuffs come off.”

“They stay on regardless of where you go,” Finn emphasizes.

“You misunderstand me.” An untouched buckle of a seatbelt smacks Finn in the face. He cries out.

“Are you--You could use the Force the whole time?”

“And I didn’t kill you. Do you see how useless it is to keep me here?” Finn gapes.

“You came from Leia?” he asks.

“He came from Han too,” Leia mutters to him, although it seems mostly to herself as if she suddenly recalled every hooliganism Han taught their child.

“Well?” Ren stretches his arms out. Finn removes the handcuffs.

“Couldn’t you have just taken these off yourself?”

“That would have deprived me of the joy of seeing your internal struggle.” Finn glares at Ren. “You seem to have forgotten the mass of bulk around my neck.” Finn shakes his head.

“Oh no, I haven’t forgotten. It might not suppress the Force, but it makes you uncomfortable and that’s good enough for me.”

The collar flies off of Ren’s neck and towards Finn, who ducks in time. Finn looks at Leia in astonishment.

“To be entirely honest,” Leia says, “I think if either of us were in Ben’s position, we would have done that too.”

Finn is muttering to himself as Ren walks among them to the Order’s camp.

“Unbelievable,” Finn says. “Absolutely unbelievable. I’m doing this because Poe deserves better, not because you,” Finn jabs an accusatory finger at Ren, “deserve better.”

“Putting others above you makes you weak,” Ren says.

“Being a dickhead and not being loved by anyone makes you weak.” Ren stares. “Yeah, I said it. You pushed away the people who loved you most and now you’re a sad man who got overpowered by people who had zero Force training.”

“Finn,” Rey starts, until Ren interrupts her.

“You’re really not giving me incentive to keep you alive.”

“You wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t need my help.”

“Are you always this shrewd?” Predictably, this continues until they’re in the Order’s building. They find their communicators don’t work. They emit screams in their ears as they near the building, so they throw them out and bury them before entering.

~*~

The sight of Finn and Rey carrying their lightsabers alongside Ren puts a smirk on Hux’s face. “They’ve made you a puppet. Has mummy given you a time out, Ben?” Ren scowls at the name.

“I see Snoke hasn’t promoted you. Sad, isn’t it? That no matter how much you want to use the Force it doesn’t deem you worthy?”

“You say that as though it deemed you worthy. You merely inherited it from your bitch mother. Snoke always expected you to fail. He was grooming others the whole time. Why do you think you never saw him in person? He was waiting for you to do his bidding and he was preparing to shove you aside the entire time. He picked you not because of your ability, but because he knew how much joy he would gain from stealing Leia Organa’s son from herself. The nephew of the Resistance’s hope, murdering his own father for no reason other than to please a hologram. No matter what side you’re on, you’ll always be a puppe--” Hux cuts off. Ren squeezes his hand toward Hux. He chokes. He falls, rather unceremoniously toward the floor, and remains there. Watching death was never his favorite pasttime, so Finn cries out when Ren slices Hux’s head from his body.

“Was that really--”

“Yes,” Ren says. “They need to think anyone with a lightsaber could have done it. If they see him choked to death they’ll know I’m here and our plan is ruined.”

Ren wordlessly continues to Hux’s body. Finn, feeling like he was stuck in the middle of the most awkward dysfunctional family’s argument, follows silently. Many things go through his mind. For instance, “What the fuck”, “I hate to admit it but that’s smart,” and, “At least there’s one enemy down.” There are also some swirls of “How can I get away from this bastard immediately.” Luckily Rey chimes in.

“Finn, focus on Poe. Where do you feel him in here?” Finn closes his eyes. It feels like his his head grows arms stretching out into every corridor and every room. He focuses on Poe’s warmth. He can’t find it. They took it away from him when they activated him. Finn focuses on his energy. Again, that’s impossible to find because the energy he’s looking for isn’t really Poe’s right now. Finn tries again, this time focusing on his heartbeat. Why are there so many damn hearts in this place? But none of them are Poe’s. It’s not--there is is.

“I found him!” Finn jumps to hug Rey.

“Finn, you’re amazing.”

“Let’s get him.”

“Finn, I think you need to do this yourself.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“Last time he aimed the blaster at me, not you.”

“That’s just because the Order made him aim it at you.”

“Because they know she’s most dangerous to the Order,” Ren says. “They would have aimed it at you right after he killed her. Not because you’re important, but because you’re annoying.”

“Now, look--” Finn starts.

“Finn is important and dangerous to them,” Rey bites to Ren, “They just might not have realized it was him using the Force.” She turns back to Finn. “Whatever the reason, I still think you’re the better one to get him. Ren and I need to get Snoke, and you saved Poe from The Order the first time. I think deep down somewhere, he remembers that you’re safe.”

This is somewhat assuring. Although his stomach is doing new flips at the knowledge that he won’t have Rey with him, Finn nods. “You go beat Snoke’s ass.” Finn lights his saber. “I’m gonna save our cute boyfriend.”

~*~

Finn’s head is enveloped in searing pain. The alarm sounds wildly and far too piercing for his headache. The floor is sideways turns sideways. His cheek hurts. His lightsaber is gone.

“Him again?” a muffled male voice says. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees a guard reach for a blaster. “Off your blaster. If we forget Hux’s orders, we die too. His life isn’t ours to take.”

They manage to blindfold Finn despite his fighting. Wherever they’re taking him, they have no problem dragging him as if he’s a doll.

Finn finds himself being pushed into a cold spot. “Finish him off.” The world is visible again. He’s in a metal cell. The guards lock the door behind them, but not before they leave Finn with Poe. It’s him, but it doesn’t look like him. His eyes are cold. Poe has never looked at Finn like that and it definitely isn’t the last thing he wants to see.

“Poe, it’s Finn. You’re not with the Order. You’re the best damn pilot in the Resistance and Leia recruited you herself.” Poe circles Finn. Finn stumbles away, still dizzy from the hit on his head, until he’s pressed on the opposite wall from before.

“You introduced yourself to me as Poe Dameron. You hated that my name was just numbers, so you gave me my name because you refused to use the one the Order gave me.”

“Your name,” Poe says flatly. He raises his blaster. “Is FN-2187.” Finn stops breathing.

“No, no, no, no, it’s--stop! Poe!” The blaster fires. Once. Twice. There’s screaming. It’s Finn’s. Finn opens his eyes. It’s so dark. Oh Force, he’s actually dead this time.

“Finn.” The urgent whisper is Poe’s.

“Oh, no.” Finn looks around for Poe in his pocket of afterlife, but it’s so dark he can’t see anything. “Was killing me a suicide mission?”

“We’re both alive. Keep quiet and be still. There’s glass on the ground. I’ll find you.”

“So I’m not dead?”

“I hope not. I’d hate not being able to kiss you again.”

“Why’s it dark?” The only thing Finn senses the sound of glass scraping the floor.

“The walls are made to absorb blasts, so I shot out the camera and lights.”

“Is that why you circled me?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Now that I know it wasn’t to kill me, I guess it was kinda hot.”

“Force, Finn, I think you’re in shock.”

“No, I’m just trying to laugh after almost dying.” Something hits Finn’s shoes. His kick sends it scraping to the side.

“I think I’m near you.” A hand pats Finn’s chest. He’s immediately pressed into Poe’s body. They grasp at each other, like they’re trying to memorize the other’s body by touch. Poe’s heart is beating just as quickly as Finn’s. “You’re so warm,” Finn mutters into Poe’s neck. A kiss on Finn’s nose. A kiss on Finn’s chin.

“You missed,” Finn smiles.

“No.” Poe’s mouth finds Finn’s in a series of tiny pecks over and over. It’s light and sweet, the physical embodiment of being glad the other’s alive. “Just wanted to kiss you all over.” Poe presses his forehead into Finn’s. “Did you come alone?”

“Rey and Ren are taking out Snoke.”

“Ren is? With Rey?”

“Dude’s pissed ‘cause Snoke used him.”

“You get kidnapped for a few days and Ren joins our side. Luke and Chewbacca are on display near the control room.”

“Display?”

“So the Order can see they’ve fallen. Hux hasn’t figured out yet that Luke’s escape attempt was just to convince them that the cage was working.”

“Hux is dead.”

“How?”

“Ren.”

“They’ll know others are here.”

“Ren made sure they wouldn’t. He cut off Hux’s head. They probably think it was my lightsaber, not his.” Although Poe’s face isn’t visible, the silence is clearly stunned. “We need to get out of here. Luke must have already sensed you. Let’s find out if he launched his attack yet.” Poe leads Finn by the hand in the path he scraped out of the glass. They take cover in a corridor.

The guard that hit Finn walks by the corridor. Finn puffs up, puts his chin in in the air, and says, “You’ll stop walking.” The guard turns back to Finn and reaches for his blaster. Poe shoots his arm before he can pull the trigger. The guard groans on the ground.

“It was worth a try,” Finn says and picks up the guard’s blaster off the floor. Coming out of the corridor last minute, Finn smacks the guard on back of the head with the blaster. Poe takes the guard’s blaster and they head to the room Poe and the guards were in before searching for him amid the alarm.

They hear the guards before they see them. The sound of a lightsaber goes in and out. “I’m gonna save the galaxy,” a guard says in a high-pitched mockery of Rey’s voice. Their laughter is loud enough that Finn and Poe can sneak up on them with little effort.

Poe and Finn share a glance, nod, and start blasting. Eventually every one of the guards is on the ground, except the one with the lightsaber.

“Mine.” Finn holds out his hand. The guard runs the lightsaber over to him.

“This place is horrible,” the guard says. “The food sucks.”

“Yeah, I know.” Finn knocks out the guard with the hilt of his saber. “And your Rey impression sucks.”

~*~

As Rey and Ren near Snoke’s chamber, Ren turns to her.

“Let me in,” he says.

“What?”

“Let me in. I’ll show you what to do so he doesn’t hear.” She feels Ren at the edge of her mind, but more knocking than prodding.

“Are you forgetting the last time you poked around in my head?”

“Your friends aren’t out and Snoke’s still alive, you risk losing not only the resistance but also your friends. Do you want them to die?” Her stomach is in knots. She knows how likely this is to be a trap, but she overpowered him before. She can do it again. They’re worth the risk.

She tells herself again that it was worth the risk when she and Ren walk in to see Snoke before them. He is bigger than they are, but she sense’s Ren’s surprise that he is only towering a few stories over them.

“Supreme leader!” Ren calls. Snoke turns to him. He looks at Ren as one would a broken chair.

“You return again after you proved yourself a failure? Foolish boy. You should have respected your banishment.” Is that why Ren let himself get captured? Because Snoke lost interest and would have let him waste?

“Supreme leader, I’ve brought you the girl.”

“Willingly?”

“She heard you calling to her.” Realization sets into Rey. Those thoughts. Were some of them Snoke? “Her remaining hesitation melted away at the choice of joining us or watch her friends die.”

“Ren,” Rey growls. She reaches for her lightsaber--except she can’t move past that. Rey’s stomach drops. She’s about to lose her friends and fail the Resistance. This is why he hasn’t tried to escape them for months. Leia’s hopes of loving her son back from the Dark Side were unfounded.

“I’ve seen their weapons. I know their plans.”

“Dameron gave us their plans.”

“Not the correct ones. The General knew there was a risk of infiltration. She told the real plans only to her closest advisers. Dameron had yet to fully achieve that status.”

“Hux is dead,” Snoke says bluntly. Rey knows in this moment that at least although she’ll die, she’ll wait until Ren offs Snoke to take Ren with her.

“He was holding the operation back,” Ren tells him. Trap him! Ren screams in her head. Do it!

It’s as if her body guides her rather than the other way around. Rey holds out her hand. The room squaks and groans sounds as the large pieces of metal that make up the walls detach from each other. They shoot toward Snoke from all angles, trying to separate his body into two. Snoke refuses to go quietly, flinging them outward without so much as touching them. Rey shields herself with another piece of metal.

Ren’s voice feeds her commands. ‘Hold him,’ he echoes. Rey sends the metal at him again, this time wrapping around him like the scaly, slithery creature she saw years ago on Jakku. She and Ren can’t get the hold tight enough to actually hold him. Ren tries to land blows with his lightsaber, but it’s clear that Snoke’s simply too big for them. Snoke deflects each of them and the metal Rey sends his way. Some metal hits Snoke’s arms and they leave a grey liquid she assumes is blood. Rey starts to fear this won’t work.

A series of blasts come from the entrance. Chewbacca enters the room with a battle cry. Master Luke runs in behind him.

“Finally you show your face, Luke,” Snoke rumbles. Chewbacca’s blasts hit Snoke in the knee, but even that isn’t enough to kill him. There’s too much of him. “I wished to have the pleasure of picking each of you off one by one.” He sends Ren smacking into the corner of a scrap of metal. Ren growls. “I suppose I can settle for ending all of you at once.”

Ren sticks out his hand in an attempt to choke him. Snoke laughs.

“My body doesn’t work like yours,” he says to Ren. He leans to step onto Ren, but Luke slides Ren’s body to the other side of the room. Luke stabs Snoke’s foot. He grunts. Rey sends an image to Ren. ‘Now!’ she yells to him. They fling their lightsabers toward Snoke. Rey’s cuts off his left arm. Ren’s severs his right.

Their lightsabers slice through Snoke in a terrible blur of light. His body falls to the ground in pieces, each meeting the floor with sickening slaps. Grey liquid spills out and rains on them.

There’s four lightsabers. As each lightsaber flies to return to their owner, Rey notices that one lightsaber goes to the entrance of the room--to Finn, with Poe next to him.

“That’ll teach you to steal kids from their families,” Finn says to Snoke’s head at his feet.

“I’m gonna spend my whole life forgetting that image,” Poe says. Rey runs over to hug him. Ren further slashes his body into smaller pieces to ensure Snoke can’t somehow assemble again. Although stripped of some layers of metal, the room allows them to start a somewhat contained fire of Snoke’s remains as they leave the room.

“Sorry I wasn’t here earlier, Rey,” Luke says. “I commanded a stormtrooper to destroy all their records and plans. And I’m rather old.” His eyes crinkle over their tired bags.

~*~

They’re almost at the end of the hallway before Phasma appears in front of them with two blasters pelting them with blasts. Poe cries out.

“Oh, NO,” Finn yells, annoyed. Phasma’s blasters fly through the air and into Poe’s hands. She immediately pulls an electric baton out of her toolbelt. “I’m not going through this again,” Finn yells. He meets her baton’s swings. “Stop” swing “coming” swing “for” swing “my” swing “friends!” Her swinging stops. Ren’s lightsaber goes through her. They don’t wait to run back to their ship.

Poe limps against her, tears running down his face, crying out each with his steps. She picks Poe up in a bridal carry and runs. He groans as the running jostles him.

“Sorry,” she huffs. They’re almost to the ship, with Chewbacca already making his way to the pilot’s seat when Ren’s screams echo through Rey’s vocal cords.

“Where’d they hit you?” Finn yells, running to take Poe out of her arms.

“It’s not me,” Rey says, making sure Poe is firmly in Finn’s arms. “It’s Ren!” She runs back to where she feels Ren.

“Rey, we don’t have enough time!” Finn yells behind her.

“Leia needs him!” she yells back. “Get Poe to safety!” He growls in frustration. He has no choice but to keep going to the ship to make sure Poe can.

An Order official stands over him when she finds him. Ren’s leg is gone. She knocks the official out and cauterizes his wound with her lightsaber. He yells out again and refuses her when she tries to scoop him up.

“Go to your friends!” he yells. “I already did what I needed to do.”

“You stubborn ass!”

“Don’t be stupid!” he says.

“Your mother already lost her husband. She doesn’t need to lose you too.” An army of stormtroopers is nearing them. Ren’s too weak to fight them off. One can only use the Force so much before they need to recuperate, and neither of them are going to get it here. Rey sends her lightsaber to cut through them but not before a few blasts cut into her leg, waist, and chest.

She creates an invisible shield above them. Ren reaches over to put pressure on her leg wounds. The stormtroopers are too close now. She doesn’t know how long she’ll be able to hold them. Her heart sinks as a few stormtroopers climb onto her invisible barrier. Her heart sinks as she realizes she might not have enough energy left to hold their weight off for as long as they need to.

Without warning, a cacophony of the stormtroopers’ screams pierce her ears. Their bodies are on fire, all of them. Rey watches with a mix of horror and relief, her arms up to shield them from the fire and unable to protect her ears from the shrieks.

The noise dies off gradually. A gust of wind erases the flames from her view. She holds the charred bodies up above her. Please don’t make her drop the bodies onto her, please don’t make her--

They’re thrown from vision. Chewbacca roars down at her. Her hands drop to her sides like sacks of rocks.

“Good to see you too,” she says. Near them is Poe in the pilot’s seat, who slams his hand on the controller and looks back at them relieved. Finn in the shooter’s seat yelling, and although it’s silent from her spot, she knows he’s celebrating.

“Oh, Ben,” comes Leia’s voice. She picks up her son as Chewbacca carries Rey alongside them to the ship. They strap her and Ren into seats. As Chewbacca runs back to the pilot’s chair, Leia pulls out a first aid kit.

“Is Rey okay?” Poe yells from the pilot’s seat.

“I’m okay,” she yells back. Beside her, Leia attends to Ren.

“I don’t need your pity, Mother.”

“You don’t have it,” Leia retorts, although her eyes water. “All the men in recent family have lost their limbs,” Leia says. “So I suppose in your own way,” she puts a bacta patch onto the stump of Ren’s severed leg, “you lived up to the family legacy.”

Finn pulverizes the rest of the Order’s building as soon as they fly far enough away. She hears him before she sees him.

“Rey, if you swear me like that again, I swear to--” Rey kisses Finn. Kisses his face all over and presses him close--”Ah!”--too close to her wounds. Finn pulls away and runs to get a first aid kit for everyone. Once they’re in calm enough space that only requires one pilot, Poe limps over to the two of them with his own bacta patch and pulls them close.

“Rey--” Poe starts, exhaustion in his voice. Rey shakes her head.

“I know. I was selfish and I didn’t think how it’d affect you.”

“You’re damn right,” Poe agrees tearfully into her hair.

“I’m sorry. Thank you for coming back for us.”

“Thank you for coming back for me, the both of you,” Poe says. Ren groans in disgust next to them.

“What do you need?” Rey asks them.

“A ten hour hug,” Finn replies.

“Brownies and kisses,” Poe says.

“That sounds doable.” Halfway to the base, Rey suddenly remembers. “What was the name of your chicken?”

“Fluffy,” Poe says.

“That’s stupid.” He kisses her forehead.

“I know.”

The base is still there when they return, and it will continue to be there without Snoke. Finn, Poe, and Rey hop into a refresher together and help each other wash battles off their bodies. Once they’re healed from Bacta, Rey slips into one of Poe’s shirts and Poe gets into one of Finn’s. Although going to bed fully interwoven together usually leaves them unable to sleep, tonight it lets them be lulled by the heartbeats that mean they’re very much alive. They don’t leave bed for a day, just holding hands and debriefing their emotions over the past few months and feeling the living and close warmth of each other. Their learned closeness now makes it seem odd that Finn used to comment about how ridiculous it was to fit three people into a single bed.

When thanking them for their service to the Resistance, Leia once comments on seeing them all as her adopted children. Each of them kindly don’t comment on the tears welling up in everyone’s eyes.

~*~

“What else?” Finn asks Poe. He doesn’t know if it’s selfish to ask, but Poe is on top of the list of people who encourage him to ask for what he wants.

Poe kisses down his hips, tongueing the hollows of his hips. He makes a noise he didn’t mean to and claps a hand over his mouth.

“You don’t have to quiet yourself,” Poe mutters. “I like knowing if I’m doing a good job.”

Finn still has a lot to learn, but he’s learned to not be ashamed of the way his body reacts. Some things Rey and Poe do are always good. He knows Poe only means good things when he mutters, “You seem excited.” He pointedly doesn’t stare too long at Finn’s underclothes, but the hunger in his eyes is unmistakable, even as he immediately moves away to kiss Finn’s thighs. Finn can’t help but think Poe would rather be kissing somewhere else, but maybe that’s just Finn’s curiosity. “Tell me I’m doing a good job.” It’s happened before--him getting “excited”, in Poe’s words, when he understood the full extent of having a room to himself and learned the wonders his hands could do. But knowing it happens to everyone helps assuage his shyness.

“It’s good,” Finn says.

“I’m glad.”

“How else can you do a good job?” He wants Finn on her, but he won’t be the one to bring it up if he doesn’t know the etiquette involved.

“That depends on what you like, Finn.”

“What do people usually like there?”

“Some people like hands touching them there. Some people like putting fingers in. Some people like putting in sex toys.” Toys? “Some people like licking.”

“Licking?”

“Mm-hmm.” Poe kisses his thigh. Finn bites his lip through the tingles it sends up his body.

“Does licking feel good?”

“Generally, yeah.”

“Do you like licking?”

“Very much.” Poe continues to kiss his thighs silently. Finn tries to get the thought of Poe licking him out of his head, but it isn’t happening with him so close.

“Poe?”

“Mm?”

“Would you...want to lick right now?”

“I’d love to, Finn.” Finn’s stomach flips. “Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make it too much too soon.”

“I feel like I’ve waited years, Poe. If I’m not sure I can just tell you to stop, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Okay.” Finn nods, already feeling himself becoming more excited at the thought.

“Do you want to take these off?” Poe touches the fabric of Finn’s undercovers.

“Um.”

“It’s okay if you changed your mind.”

“No, I didn’t. I just. I haven’t really been looked at before.”

“I can not look if you want. I’ll turn the lights off. Does that sound okay?” Finn nods. Poe turns the lights off and comes back.

“I’ll just kiss around you get you more comfortable and I won’t go too close without your permission. How about you move my head if you’re okay with it?”

“Okay.”

Poe starts slowly. He kisses down Finn’s torso. He brushes against Finn’s thighs with the backs of his hands. He kisses Finn’s inner thighs again. He kisses closer, a few fingers’ width away from where Finn wants him. Finn’s stomach flips in anticipation, but Poe doesn’t go any closer, true to his word. He gently lifts Finn’s thigh to kiss the spot where his thigh starts. Poe makes a noise. He breathes in heavily like he’s resisting, air rushing against Finn, but still Poe refuses to get any closer.

“Poe,” Finn urges.

“Finn,” Poe murmurs, and the wave of heat that flows through Finn’s body is all he can take. He runs her fingers through Poe’s hair, simply enjoying the way it feels under his hand.

“Can I?”

“Please,” Poe says, like he wants this more than Finn, and Finn decides he likes that too. Finn tugs him infinitesimally closer until Poe’s right at the edge. Poe kisses and licks around it slowly, only up and down the sides of her core. Finn makes an impatient noise and pulls Poe directly over where they both want him to be. Poe places a careful kiss onto Finn’s center. Finn’s biting his lip so hard he both wonders and doesn’t care if it’ll start bleeding. Another careful kiss. Another. A tiny lick. Poe looks up at him for reactions. A bigger lick. Finn groans. A long lick up. Finn gasps. Poe pulls away, worried, but Finn gently ushers pushes Poe back. Poe laughs against him, going in. He licks Finn again, starting out slowly. Finn would say he doesn’t know if he’s breathing but he can hear himself gasping for air.

“Okay?” Poe asks.

“What do you think,” Finn moans, annoyed that Poe needs to interrupt himself to check in.

Poe’s back on him, this time faster than before, and Finn didn’t know it was possible to feel better than what he was doing before, but Finn hopes he isn’t hurting Poe because his shaking hands aren’t letting go of his hair anytime soon. Poe has a gentle grip on Poe’s thighs on either side of his head, stroking them as he licks.

Finn thinks it can’t get any better, until Poe flicks his tongue up and down quickly and Finn’s head falls back and he’s scratching Poe’s shoulder now and he’s worried for a second that he’s hurting Poe until Poe moans and presses Finn’s scratching hand down harder. Finn’s orgasm comes quickly and unexpectedly. He thinks people three doors down probably hear his broken moans of “Poe, Poe” as he lightly licks Finn through it.

He comes to with Poe pulling Finn against him, his face wiped clean with a washcloth near him. He lets Finn catch his breath and kisses his damp cheek.

“Do your neighbors complain often?” Finn asks finally. Poe laughs and shakes his head.

“No, I don't think they mind.” Poe kisses intertwines their fingers as Finn rests his head on Poe’s chest.

~*~

It takes a while before Rey and Finn are comfortable returning the favor to Poe.

“What do you like?” Rey murmurs against Poe’s lips. Poe breathes deeply underneath her.

“I like when you’re comfortable and don’t feel pressured.”

“That wasn’t the question, Dameron,” Rey says dangerously against his ear. She tugs his hair backward. Poe moans. “I heard you like your hair pulled. What else?” Poe takes a few shaky breaths. His lashes flutter at her.

“You don’t have to do this, but...I’ve been wondering if you’d want to sit on my face? I’d love to eat you out.” It sounds appealing and her heart is already quickening.

“I ask you what you like and you tell me you want to pleasure me instead?”

“Nothing feels better, honestly,” Poe says, and his voice is so breathless she knows he means it.

“That won’t choke you?” Rey asks, already planning how she’ll hold herself up.

“I kind of prefer it does.”

“Choke you?”

“Only if you’d want.” Rey’s grateful he was careful about not giving her too much information too soon. Back then it would have frightened her, but now...Poe’s neck is beautiful and she’s already wondering how it’d feel squeezed under her hands.

Poe has a talent of melting people without even touching them. Her underclothes off, Poe’s gaze is heavy and hungry and biting his lip before she even comes near him. Rey smirks at him from her position far away from him. She crawls up his body, lifting his shirt to kiss his stomach the way she squirmed at before. He’s biting his lip at her and sliding his hands up her stomach impatiently by the time she hovering over his neck.

“Rey,” he says, desperation shaking his voice. He turns his head to kiss one of her thighs on the side of his neck.

“Where do you want my hands?”

“Wherever you want to put them,” he replies.

“Anywhere?” Poe nods. “Can I put them…” Rey reaches behind her to run her hands near his center “...here?” Poe moans.

 

“You know you can,” Poe moans impatiently. “Rey, I really want you on my mouth.”

“How badly?”

“Stars, figures you’d learn how to dirty talk on your own,” he laughs, beaming a her with pride.

“That’s not the answer I was looking for.” She moves as if she intends get off of him.

“No, don’t--” Rey laughs delightedly and returns to her position.

“Do you want to try again?” she asks, one hand behind her skirting over his warmth.

“I’ve been wanting to taste you for months, Rey,” and then, “please, please--”

“Not so hard, was it?” She hovers over his mouth. He’s already licking his lips before he touches her. He moans with her when she finally lets him taste. He doesn’t seem to have any patience to tease her, licking and sucking her with fervor. One of his hands is on her waist--she puts it on her rear--and another is shaking on her ribcage. She brings it to her breast and he immediately rolls her nipple between his fingers. The sensation sends even more waves of pleasure over her already shaking body. She brings one hand back to pull his hair and another to pleasure him behind her. As she tries leaning more weight on his threat, he moans as if she’s better than any meal he’s had. And she’ll be damned if she doesn’t make sure she is.

~*~

Finn’s discovery of her new skill demonstration sounds just as pleasing for him as it was for her.

It doesn’t escape her that Finn allowing her to show him is a testament to how much trust he puts in her. Finn--this gorgeous man with a heart spun from gold who was the first to come back for her just after meeting him. The man who who cries out and is so gentle he strokes Rey’s cheeks and holds her hand even as she pleasures him and slips sweet phrases of, “Stars, Rey, Rey you’re so beautiful, I like you so much, can I do this for you too, oh, my…” because even when the attention is on him he still wants to give love back to others. Finn, who was raised on nothing but savagery and taking orders and still came out of it being one of the most soft-hearted people in the base.

And Poe, of the most patient and loving people Rey knows. Who defied orders to fly his squadron into battle, who can fly anything, who makes sure she can do the same not only for battle but because he knows she loves it. Another man who took her in and showed her that she can take her time and simply enjoy rather than give, give, give. Another man who didn’t change his thoughts about her when she confessed the darkness of hers.

Having them with her doesn’t make the storm inside her vanish. But it does calm it enough for her to live and show how much they mean to her, and that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll hopefully be able to smooth out the writing soon. Thanks so much for reading this far!


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